Fearful Symmetries

Witness a machine turn coffee into pointless ramblings...

16 October, 2006

A New Day

It feels very odd knowing that I'm not going downtown this morning. While my employer has remained the same, my job has changed. I miss my friends at DHFS already. Heck, I missed them Friday afternoon when I walked out the door for the last time. I report to my contracting company's office this morning at eight o'clock and don't really know what is going to happen. My boss called on Friday afternoon asking what I was going to be doing today and I was flummoxed. Wasn't that what he was for? He hadn't communicated with me for about 3 weeks about what I'd be doing when I returned to the home office and then he calls on my terminal day at the client's and asks me about my Monday plans...?! Hopefully I'll be able to see Otto as we've communicated via email alone for a few months. I'm not sure if he'll be at Sub Zero or not today. Being a contractor definitely has its ups and downs.

The Dulcinea and I had a long conversation over the phone last night and we managed to clear the air and more. Like being a contractor, our relationship has had its peaks and valleys. We were in one of the latter a few months ago. Something happened to me and I retreated into myself. During this time, I was a big jerk and I very much neglected The Dulcinea and our relationship generally. This dark period ended a month and a half ago or thereabouts and things have been going very well between us. After two years, our relationship feels new again. That sense of getting to know a new person in my life has returned as has that giddy feeling of anticipation when we make plans to get together. Our sex life has improved greatly as well. Not only has there been greater frequency, but lovemaking has also been more intense. I think that I emerged from my shell a better boyfriend in many ways.

Along with these elements are other attendant feelings of new relationships. There is also that sense of tenuousness, of uncertainty that goes along with dating someone for the first time. This along with pent up sexual energy from not having had sex in a few days and having not had much sleep the night before led me into a bad space yesterday evening. Ergo the 2+ hour phone call The Dulcinea and I had last night. Personally I'm proud of myself for not following through on my initial reaction of flight, of avoiding the issue, and instead got things talked over and the air cleared. I've known couples who, upon a problem arising in their relationship, immediately sit down and talk things over. But I've never really been a half of one of those couples. However, things on this front seem to be changing and I think we're making some great progress in this area. Unlearning behavior is an incredibly difficult thing to do.

I am so glad and so relieved that last night is over. That feeling of being a wounded animal that's been cornered is gone; my hands aren't shaking and my heart no longer thumps in my chest at a 100MPH; and those feelings of déjà vu from my last long-term relationship have dissipated. The plan now is to gear up for my first day back at the home office and try to make the best of my new job situation. After that, I get to see The Dulcinea as we're going to the High Noon Saloon tonight to see PROG.

I need to come up with a way to punish her for Saturday night. I mean, she had 3 drinks and yet she chose to drive home. This kind of behavior just cannot be tolerated. Truth be known, she's been very naughty lately and wanting, er, deserving punishment.
|| Palmer, 6:14 AM

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