Fearful Symmetries

Witness a machine turn coffee into pointless ramblings...

22 October, 2006


The Dulcinea and I attended our Hotwriters group meeting on Thursday night. I felt badly because I didn't have anything to present to the group while others had some really great stuff to share. I've been busy on weekends, as I've described above, and my mind has just been everywhere except in a frame to write erotica. Changing jobs, researching passenger rail service to Madison, and trying to bring a sense of order to my life has had me preoccupied. Plus The Dulcinea and I have been working on our relationship. Hopefully now that I've started my new job, I've written about passenger rail, and The Dulcinea and I are on firm terra incognita, I'll be able to hash out a naughty story. In addition to hearing a couple tales, we got to play with a Violet wand. It was my first experience with one and was quite, um, stimulating. The demonstration began with Gray, A., and Mistress R performing a scene in which A was tortured with the VW. Afterwards, the rest of could got to take it for a spin. It was a rather odd sensation of have a series of electric shocks run down my arms and around my body. It wasn't totally unpleasant but I suspect that I may have liked a slightly lesser voltage a bit more.

The scene they acted out didn't give me a jolt of inspiration but I found that something else that night did. The Dulcinea and I walked into the room where there the seats were set out. I was just looking around to see who was there and to find an empty seat when my eyes caught sight of E. She was in the process of turning around and straightening out her skirt. E. is very beautiful and she was clad in argyle socks and I just love argyle. It was only a brief 2 second glimpse of the mundane but I ended up writing about the moment. Granted, it was only 3 or 4 sentences, but I found myself more passionate about writing these lines than I did writing about the scenario that Gray, A., and Mistress R acted out. When I became cognizant of this, I realized that I feel like I've placed a bit of pressure on myself to write something kinky as opposed to whatever it is that feels natural. This is definitely something I need to work on.

Aside from being able to play with a new toy, hear a couple good ditties, and enjoy a scene, it was an enjoyable social experience. Very slowly but surely I am getting to know these folks. The Dulcinea is a bit ahead of me in this regard, which makes me feel a bit jealous. I think that I'm the only one of us without a LiveJournal and so she is able to interact with folks outside of meetings in that forum. Plus she's had coffee with a couple of the folks and, generally, been able to get to know them much more than I have. It's not that I don't want to be social with them, it's just that I am blessed with more friends than I can possibly see on a regular basis and often find my interests lead me by the nose to wherever it is that they might want to go. Hopefully I'll be able to see these folks more often in the near future. Everyone is really friendly and they all seem to be very interesting people in their own rights outside of our common interest in the varieties of things prurient. I felt immediately comfortable when meeting everyone which is a rare occurrence.

I went out last Wednesday with a couple now-former co-workers, Charles and Princess. The beer at the Ale Asylum was tasty as we chatted away. Since becoming a state employee and taking a different position, I haven't seen much of Princess. We enjoyed some good conversation about our personal lives including how she now has a new boyfriend and about how my relationship with The Dulcinea has risen from the ashes like the Phoenix. But before this, she mentioned that she wanted to go to a Fetish Night at The Cardinal. This naturally led to some discussion about the Hotwriters group and the play parties. I didn't go into great detail lest I become a spokesperson for Sodom and Gomorrah, but I think I piqued her interest. Immediately after I uttered "BDSM", she bumped into a table.

At the meeting on Thursday, something happened which I cannot recall but it led to Mistress R asking for people who practice an alternative religion to raise their hands. Among the arms raised was that of I. She volunteered that she was a pagan (or was that Wiccan?). I was, quite frankly, highly unsurprised. I knew that at least some of the folks had to be pagans. Having hung around enough of them, I think I've developed a sixth sense about this. I've got a tattoo of the Green Man on my right arm and, when I show it off at various social venues, pagans/Wiccans seem to crawl out of the woodwork. I suspect that there are more pagans around than one would suspect. Either that or I tend to end up in situations where they tend to congregate. Sitting there as I. invited everyone to a Samhain shindig next weekend really took me back about 10 years when I developed an interest in paganism or, perhaps more properly, neo-paganism. It was a period in which I read about the Celts, neo-paganism today, folklore, etc. I never became a pagan but I met several and became enamored of the symbolism of the Green Man.

The Dulcinea went out to N. and B.'s place last weekend to sample some homebrews. Later into the night the host & hostess were topped by Mistress R and another woman. Last week The Dulcinea expressed her desire to see me topped by Mistress R. It didn't take long for me to warm to the idea. The idea excites me in itself but I also really like Mistress R. I think I took to her immediately because she reminds me of the parents of a friend of mine and I have great love and respect for these people. She brings them to mind in many ways: her house, her demeanor, her voice, et al. And so my concern has absolutely nothing to do with her. Instead I would want to endeavor to make the scene a Gesamtkunstwerk. I'd like to have everything just right. The mood, the lights, and the music.

I am sure that there is a perfectly good, legitimate reason why techno/electronica is the official music of the kink scene but the vast majority of that stuff drives me crazy. If you happen to like the stuff, that's copasetic with me; I just don't happen to find it appealing. No, I want to enjoy the gleeful abandon of being manhandled to a proggy orgy of instrumentation in 9/8 time with lots of Mellotron. Admittedly, the only song that I've been able to come up with is "The Creator Has a Mastertape" by Porcupine Tree, but this'll give me something to contemplate.

I want to end my rambling here with one last thing. After having received a love bite from B. at the party last weekend, The Dulcinea remarked to me later in the week about her and other women that we've met at Hotwriters and at the parties. Many of them have bodies that aren't to be found littered on the pages of Playboy or on the runways of Paris. Yet they have tremendous airs of confidence and great comfort with their bodies. And I think that this has really been inspirational to The Dulcinea in dealing with her self-image. Truth be known, it's been beneficial to me as well.

This is something that the article on kink that appeared in Isthmus back in August neglected. All of the women in the article's photos were thin and I think this did a disservice to the kink scene as it certainly doesn't jive with my experiences. The author tended to portray her subject as a sideshow featuring the young and conventionally beautiful with a high level of novelty value as opposed to something people engage with at differing levels simultaneously and that has meaning beyond being a social engagement at a bar.

OK, I've written enough for tonight.
|| Palmer, 8:31 PM


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