Skin
I went to run a couple errands and stopped over at Toad Hill for a Cardiac Special since it would be on the house. Had a brief chat with JimmyD and Jessie. If I move, I am gonna miss that place and everyone there. It's like my Cheers. I dropped off a copy of a King Crimson bootleg for Ron as well so now I only owe him a Genesis show from 1980. He has given me a couple books, the latest one being Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas R. Hofstadter. I've read part of it before so now I have the impetus to read it in its entirety.
Then it was off to the gas station. The cutie with the red hair was there and she was wearing a long slit skirt. Now, it's not often one gets a casual glimpse of skin during January here in these northern climes so I was thrilled. As she shuffled between the register and the credit card machine, I took as many glimpses as I could. Driving away, I couldn't get the sight of her legs out of my head. Next thing I know I'm hornier than a 2-peckered goat at a fucking bee. Life's good that way.
Terce
Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
Thy testimonies are wonderful
therefore my soul keeps them.
The unfolding of thy words gives light
it imparts understanding to the simple.
With open mouth I pant
because I long for thy commandments.
I had a deep dream last night as was wished for me. I don't recall most of it, only the naughty bit.
I went up to my parents' bedroom in the old house in Chicago where I used to live. I went to the the little cubby hole hoolie where my mom had a typewriter set up. I looked at the shelf above the small desk and there was a window which looked out into what I took to be the Austrailian outback. A herd of kangaroo-like animals the size of elephants was walking by. As the one at the fore passed, I could then see a male of these animals humping his goodly female. She walked slowly walked forward and so he did as well, thrusting all the while. The pair turned so I saw them in profile. The male had an enormous penis. I was stunned into humility. The creature then ejaculated. Gallons and gallons of its semen flooded the hindquarters of his partner. At the sight of this, I felt highly inadequate. From this, I awoke.
Today is going to be bad - I can just feel it. I have a court date next month for which I can only blame myself for having chosen to live with a doofus of a roommate. Then, this morning, The Caffeinatrix was quiet and unperky. I hate to think she's pissed at me for some reason - hopefully she was just tired. And I'm expected to go get drunk in Edgerton when, in all honesty, I'd prefer to remain sober. It is a sure sign of maturity - no, not maturity, but change that I like to remain sober when I'm feeling depressed. I think I need a hug.
I hope that everyone has a good day...
Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
Thy testimonies are wonderful
therefore my soul keeps them.
The unfolding of thy words gives light
it imparts understanding to the simple.
With open mouth I pant
because I long for thy commandments.
I had a deep dream last night as was wished for me. I don't recall most of it, only the naughty bit.
I went up to my parents' bedroom in the old house in Chicago where I used to live. I went to the the little cubby hole hoolie where my mom had a typewriter set up. I looked at the shelf above the small desk and there was a window which looked out into what I took to be the Austrailian outback. A herd of kangaroo-like animals the size of elephants was walking by. As the one at the fore passed, I could then see a male of these animals humping his goodly female. She walked slowly walked forward and so he did as well, thrusting all the while. The pair turned so I saw them in profile. The male had an enormous penis. I was stunned into humility. The creature then ejaculated. Gallons and gallons of its semen flooded the hindquarters of his partner. At the sight of this, I felt highly inadequate. From this, I awoke.
Today is going to be bad - I can just feel it. I have a court date next month for which I can only blame myself for having chosen to live with a doofus of a roommate. Then, this morning, The Caffeinatrix was quiet and unperky. I hate to think she's pissed at me for some reason - hopefully she was just tired. And I'm expected to go get drunk in Edgerton when, in all honesty, I'd prefer to remain sober. It is a sure sign of maturity - no, not maturity, but change that I like to remain sober when I'm feeling depressed. I think I need a hug.
I hope that everyone has a good day...
26 January, 2004
Empty Nest Syndrome
I've been looking at the pictures that have been coming back from Mars. Holy fuckshit! Is anyone else impressed beyond all? Right now I have the large "Empty Nest" picture up. It's so big that I can't fit it all in even with my browser in kiosk mode. OK, so it means I need a bigger monitor but fuck! This huge panoramic view of the Martian surface - it's sublime. As a kid, I always enjoyed looking at photographs from the Viking. What's really cool is that I can look at marvelous pictures of another planet a few hours after they were taken. Staring at the image, I imagine what it would be like to be standing there. The picture gives such a feeling of serenity but I'd imagine there's more at play than meets the eyes. Man, it would be so cool to perambulate around Mars. Take a lazy stroll over to the face and see if there's a door like in the game Zak McCracken and the Alien Mindbenders. Then head over to the adjacent geographic features and measure them to see if Dick Hoagland is right. Then I could pull out the telescope and look at you jokers back here on Earth. The feeling of solitude would be...ultimate.
A Quote for the Day
People suffer illness "because they do not have love in their life and are not cherished."
Sun Si-miao
Damn Chinese doctors and their pithy phrases!
Sun Si-miao
Damn Chinese doctors and their pithy phrases!
25 January, 2004
Your Brain on Language
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Top 71 Movies That Nerds Quote From
From http://keepersoflists.org/index.php?lid=991
1 Monty Python: Search for the Holy Grail
2 Star Wars
3 Princess Bride
4 Space Balls
5 Indiana Jones
6 Matrix
7 Star Trek
8 2001: A Space Odyssey
9 Ghostbusters
10 Highlander
11 Anything pertaining to Monty Python or Mel Brooks
12 The Terminator
13 Young Frankenstien
14 Austin Powers
15 Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
16 Airplane movies
17 Army of Darkness
18 Blazing Saddles
19 History of the World- Part One
20 Office Space
21 Breakfast Club
22 Robin Hood: Men In Tights
23 Monty Python and the Holy Grail
24 The Blues Brothers
25 The Naked Gun movies
26 Nightmare On Elm Street
27 Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
28 Bill and Ted's Most Excellent Adventure
29 Pulp Fiction
30 Real Genius
31 South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
32 Sixteen Candles
33 Dumb and Dumber
34 Repo Man
35 Star Wars (any)
36 War Games
37 Barfly
38 Hackers
39 John Waters Movies (All)
40 Fight Club
41 Goonies
42 Revenge of the Nerds
43 Any film with computers or space in it
44 Tron
45 Every Star Trek, Star Wars, and Monty Python flick
46 Blade Runner
47 Dirty Harry
48 Queen of the Damned
49 Ishtar
50 Short Circuit
51 Batman
52 spice world
53 A few good men
54 Fletch
55 So I married an Axe Murderer
56 PeeWee's Big Adventure
57 Power Rangers
58 Willow
59 Starship Troopers
60 Close Encounters of the Third Kind
61 Winnie The Pooh
62 Zoolander
63 Freddy got fingred
64 Just one of the guys
65 Mystery Men
66 The Thing - John Carpenter's
67 Dusk till Dawn
68 The Mummy
69 Crimewave
70 Boyz And Girlz
71 Meet Joe's Liver
I quote from many of these. But the list needs more Kubrick films: Dr. Strangelove, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket. Also, The Wild Bunch, The Name of the Rose, Big Trouble in Little China, Deliverance, House Party, Touch of Evil, JFK, Roshomon, Apocalypse Now, O.C. and Stiggs - Christ, the list is endless!
1 Monty Python: Search for the Holy Grail
2 Star Wars
3 Princess Bride
4 Space Balls
5 Indiana Jones
6 Matrix
7 Star Trek
8 2001: A Space Odyssey
9 Ghostbusters
10 Highlander
11 Anything pertaining to Monty Python or Mel Brooks
12 The Terminator
13 Young Frankenstien
14 Austin Powers
15 Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
16 Airplane movies
17 Army of Darkness
18 Blazing Saddles
19 History of the World- Part One
20 Office Space
21 Breakfast Club
22 Robin Hood: Men In Tights
23 Monty Python and the Holy Grail
24 The Blues Brothers
25 The Naked Gun movies
26 Nightmare On Elm Street
27 Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
28 Bill and Ted's Most Excellent Adventure
29 Pulp Fiction
30 Real Genius
31 South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
32 Sixteen Candles
33 Dumb and Dumber
34 Repo Man
35 Star Wars (any)
36 War Games
37 Barfly
38 Hackers
39 John Waters Movies (All)
40 Fight Club
41 Goonies
42 Revenge of the Nerds
43 Any film with computers or space in it
44 Tron
45 Every Star Trek, Star Wars, and Monty Python flick
46 Blade Runner
47 Dirty Harry
48 Queen of the Damned
49 Ishtar
50 Short Circuit
51 Batman
52 spice world
53 A few good men
54 Fletch
55 So I married an Axe Murderer
56 PeeWee's Big Adventure
57 Power Rangers
58 Willow
59 Starship Troopers
60 Close Encounters of the Third Kind
61 Winnie The Pooh
62 Zoolander
63 Freddy got fingred
64 Just one of the guys
65 Mystery Men
66 The Thing - John Carpenter's
67 Dusk till Dawn
68 The Mummy
69 Crimewave
70 Boyz And Girlz
71 Meet Joe's Liver
I quote from many of these. But the list needs more Kubrick films: Dr. Strangelove, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket. Also, The Wild Bunch, The Name of the Rose, Big Trouble in Little China, Deliverance, House Party, Touch of Evil, JFK, Roshomon, Apocalypse Now, O.C. and Stiggs - Christ, the list is endless!
Media Bias?
Now I've found something interesting. Book TV is having a debate about media bias. On the right is author Laura Ingraham and CNN lackey Tucker Carlson. On the left are Al Franken and a guy from City University of New York. I will say that I love Carlson's bow tie. And he is a fucking cock. I hate him but I probably hate him because we argue the same way. If I were in his shoes, I'd be saying the same stuff. I am so jealous of his tie!
It's a nice, spirited debate and, having majored in communication arts in college, it's right up my alley. To me, the mass media here in the U.S. is skewed to the right. But perhaps the larger problem is that, to me, is the banality of much of the news. It frustrates me to no end that something like Princess Diana's death is endlessly researched so that people know the most menial details like what the driver at for lunch that day. But for many issues that affect us more greatly - such as Supreme Court cases, taxes, and the like - things that are going to have a direct effect on you. Your pocketbook, how your children are educated, what is in the food you eat, the quality of the air you breathe, the health care you will receive, and so on.
Is news around the rest of the world so horrid? Do you folks in other countries have news shows that lead with concepts such as "Bennifer"?
It's a nice, spirited debate and, having majored in communication arts in college, it's right up my alley. To me, the mass media here in the U.S. is skewed to the right. But perhaps the larger problem is that, to me, is the banality of much of the news. It frustrates me to no end that something like Princess Diana's death is endlessly researched so that people know the most menial details like what the driver at for lunch that day. But for many issues that affect us more greatly - such as Supreme Court cases, taxes, and the like - things that are going to have a direct effect on you. Your pocketbook, how your children are educated, what is in the food you eat, the quality of the air you breathe, the health care you will receive, and so on.
Is news around the rest of the world so horrid? Do you folks in other countries have news shows that lead with concepts such as "Bennifer"?
Regarding Fellini Moments
A Fellini Moment was defined by Derek Dick, a.k.a. - Onkel Fish as follows:
"The term 'Fellini moment' came about on the back of a long snake of a tour curve when the surreal became normality and events and experiences took on new meanings. In all the madness of such a lifestyle there are moments of serenity when time stops and you catch a glimpse at the true wonder of the World we live in. These moments stand out in a day and there are some days when these events gather in clusters or curves. This is a Fellini Day. The term is a direct reference to Italian film director Federico Fellini who would sprinkle his movies with moments of tangential beauty or draw our attention to a detail of wonderment that would often go otherwise unnoticed in our hectic every day lives."
"The term 'Fellini moment' came about on the back of a long snake of a tour curve when the surreal became normality and events and experiences took on new meanings. In all the madness of such a lifestyle there are moments of serenity when time stops and you catch a glimpse at the true wonder of the World we live in. These moments stand out in a day and there are some days when these events gather in clusters or curves. This is a Fellini Day. The term is a direct reference to Italian film director Federico Fellini who would sprinkle his movies with moments of tangential beauty or draw our attention to a detail of wonderment that would often go otherwise unnoticed in our hectic every day lives."
23 January, 2004
You All Ready For Me To Drop Science On Your Ass?
Well, the sex blogs are gonna be in mourning - Helmut Newton died. I've seen some of his work and it's OK. Nothing especial, IMHO.
And Rush Limbaugh is going to have to face charges. Poor guy. Mr. Prosecutor has 10 felony counts for him but offers a bargain: Rush plead guilty to 1 count and get 3 years probation. And fatboy's lawyer says this is unfair! That he's being singled out for being a celebrity. Oh, that's right - if you're a celebrity, you get 100% of the charges thrown out instead of 90%. Christ, do you think Joe Six-Pack could get such a good deal?
Speaking of celebrities getting busted, Art Garfunkel was slapped with a fine for possession. The accounts I've read are all sure to mention that the cop didn't recognize him. I guess Paul Simon would have gotten off scot-free.
Oh, I love this. God came to some Latter Day Saints nutcase named Rulon Jeffs and told him to excommunicate several people from the church. This also involved the men leaving behind their wives, children, and possessions. Wives (and presumably the children) would be "reassigned". Among those dissed were a couple gents in their 90s who were favored to take over the leadership role in this Jonestown when Jeffs usurped the position.
Thankfully contact has been reestablished with the Mars rover so research into mineral exploitation of the planet can continue. Wait, no. It's in critical condition. Nevermind. The evil capitalists have been thwarted. ;)
On the good side, the European Mars Express has confirmed the existence of water ice on Mars' southern polar cap. Hell, maybe we can terraform the place, melt the water, and make Mars a nice spa resort destination.
From The Times:
ISAAC NEWTON had one, as did Michael Faraday and some chap called Murphy. What if you could distil your own sharpest observation into a scientific law that would bear your name? The literary agent John Brockman recently posed the question to the scientists, thinkers and technology innovators who visit his online salon at Edge.org. Now 164 of them have replied — and their insights make for wonderful reading.
Sir John Maddox, former editor of Nature, offers an immutable law of the peer-review process: “Reviewers who are best placed to understand an author’s work are the least likely to draw attention to its achievements, but are prolific sources of minor criticism, especially the identification of typos.”
Then there is Devlin’s First Law, from the acclaimed mathematician Keith Devlin: “In the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive.” (His second law: “So can PowerPoint.”) But the most precise formula comes from Kai Krause, the legendary developer of graphics software. According to Kai’s Exactness Dilemma, “93.8127 per cent of all statistics are useless”. And who can argue?
Here's Godwin's Law: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one."
Punset's First Law: "If fully conscious, don´t trust your brain."
Gershenfeld's Law on Research: "Experiments take pi times longer than planned (no matter how many factors of pi you account for)."
Kai's Existential Dilemma: "I think....there....4a.m."
Bharucha's Law: "To understand what people are thinking and feeling, look beyond what they say." (Why are we men so horrible at this? Girlfriends have always seemed to know what's on my mind despite how well I tried to lie.)
Now who says scientists have no sense of humor or don't live in the real world?
And Rush Limbaugh is going to have to face charges. Poor guy. Mr. Prosecutor has 10 felony counts for him but offers a bargain: Rush plead guilty to 1 count and get 3 years probation. And fatboy's lawyer says this is unfair! That he's being singled out for being a celebrity. Oh, that's right - if you're a celebrity, you get 100% of the charges thrown out instead of 90%. Christ, do you think Joe Six-Pack could get such a good deal?
Speaking of celebrities getting busted, Art Garfunkel was slapped with a fine for possession. The accounts I've read are all sure to mention that the cop didn't recognize him. I guess Paul Simon would have gotten off scot-free.
Oh, I love this. God came to some Latter Day Saints nutcase named Rulon Jeffs and told him to excommunicate several people from the church. This also involved the men leaving behind their wives, children, and possessions. Wives (and presumably the children) would be "reassigned". Among those dissed were a couple gents in their 90s who were favored to take over the leadership role in this Jonestown when Jeffs usurped the position.
Thankfully contact has been reestablished with the Mars rover so research into mineral exploitation of the planet can continue. Wait, no. It's in critical condition. Nevermind. The evil capitalists have been thwarted. ;)
On the good side, the European Mars Express has confirmed the existence of water ice on Mars' southern polar cap. Hell, maybe we can terraform the place, melt the water, and make Mars a nice spa resort destination.
From The Times:
ISAAC NEWTON had one, as did Michael Faraday and some chap called Murphy. What if you could distil your own sharpest observation into a scientific law that would bear your name? The literary agent John Brockman recently posed the question to the scientists, thinkers and technology innovators who visit his online salon at Edge.org. Now 164 of them have replied — and their insights make for wonderful reading.
Sir John Maddox, former editor of Nature, offers an immutable law of the peer-review process: “Reviewers who are best placed to understand an author’s work are the least likely to draw attention to its achievements, but are prolific sources of minor criticism, especially the identification of typos.”
Then there is Devlin’s First Law, from the acclaimed mathematician Keith Devlin: “In the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive.” (His second law: “So can PowerPoint.”) But the most precise formula comes from Kai Krause, the legendary developer of graphics software. According to Kai’s Exactness Dilemma, “93.8127 per cent of all statistics are useless”. And who can argue?
Here's Godwin's Law: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one."
Punset's First Law: "If fully conscious, don´t trust your brain."
Gershenfeld's Law on Research: "Experiments take pi times longer than planned (no matter how many factors of pi you account for)."
Kai's Existential Dilemma: "I think....there....4a.m."
Bharucha's Law: "To understand what people are thinking and feeling, look beyond what they say." (Why are we men so horrible at this? Girlfriends have always seemed to know what's on my mind despite how well I tried to lie.)
Now who says scientists have no sense of humor or don't live in the real world?
22 January, 2004
If It Wasn't For You Meddling Kids
I watched La Cité des enfants perdus (City of Lost Children) yesterday. Not having seen it in a few years, it was fun to revisit such a wonderful film. Darius Khondji, one of my favorite cinematographers, shot it, the direction was great, as was the acting. It's like a fairy tale for adults. An evil scientist (irony at its best) is stealing children so he can extract their dreams and stay young. Miette is a little headstrong girl and the most mature character. She befriends a fun fair strongman and they rescue the abducted children. Along the way, you meet all sorts of grotesque characters in a dark, damp world of grays, greens, and browns. The film is similar to a combination of Terry Gilliam's Brazil and The Adventures of Baron von Munchausen which are also like fairy tales for adults.
Several people I know really loved Forrest Gump and, when I told them that I thought it was horrible, they often defended it by saying something like, "But it was a charming fairy tale for adults!". While I think I understand what they were getting at, I just couldn't see it in that light. To me, it was a gross over-simplification of reality. There was no magic to it. Fairy tales show life, including its darker elements, filtered through an enchanting, childlike world of imagination.
As Richard Zacks pointed out, all of the classic fairy tales that parents read to their children or Disney puts on the big screen were originally much more sinister. Sleeping Beauty was raped was while under the spell that made her unconscious. Goldilocks became a young girl only in 1918 - she was an old woman prior to that. In a 19th century version, the bears impale her on a church steeple. The original Little Red Riding Hood was emblazoned with sexual tension and a dirty pun. In the end, she was eaten by the wolf.
Scholars attribute what we now consider the "darker" elements of these stories to the fact that, a few hundred years ago, they were told to children and adults. Today, at least in America, these stories are emasculated. I wonder if this is an American phenomenon. As one person here pointed out, it seems like American want to shelter their kids from reality. One upshot of this is that, upon turning 18, they are suddenly thrust into the real world.
In the mid-1990s, 10-12% of male school children in the United States was on Ritalin. How many of them really had Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder? Add in the girls and you have - what? - 12-15% of all school kids in the US hopped up on amphetamines? Doesn't this seem even a little askew if not downright ludicrous? How about kids on Prozac? We give such anti-depressants to kids as young as 4 here. 4 years old! In one year, the number of children on Prozac went up 5 times. Around the same time, the number of kids under 18 on Prozac or an equivalent was moving up towards a million.
These numbers scare me. Not the least because no one really knows the long term effects of these drugs on brains that are still developing. There is no doubt in my mind that there are kids out there with mental maladies that really benefit from these drugs. Are kids in general really that fucked up? Hell, maybe they are. But could we also be screwing with kids brains that are screwed up enough by virtue of being teenagers?
Now, I don't mean to insult teenagers - I just know what a weird time of your life it is. Saying it is an awkward period is like saying that the evacuation of Dunkirk was a bit disorganized. I probably have greater sympathy now for teens than I did when I was one myself. This is because I know just how genuinely fucked up many adults are. One day things are all hunky-dory and the next thing you know you start getting hair in various spots where there was none before, your voice drops or your breasts grow, girls hit menarche, etc. Hormones are raging rendering you a complete knob end. The adult world doesn't seem so far off suddenly and peer pressure kicks in. Hey, it's a crazy, mixed-up time and you have little experience to draw on for reflection. Hell, teenagers generally don't wanna reflect - there's all these distractions like memebers of the opposite sex, drugs, and just going out and being stupid.
And it's not that teenagers are necessarily stupid - many tack the windy seas of teenagehood and become fully-functional adults. But adults are supposed to help kids. You know, be active in their lives. When I was having some particularly nasty problems at 16, a couple teachers stepped in lent a hand and an ear. Teenagers can also be kept on the right path with the foot, namely, in the ass. That's where my dad came in.
It seems like the hands-off approach is much more prevalent now than when I was a teen. This is a whole lotta anecdotal evidence, I admit, but talking to teachers and social workers, I get this picture that American society expects kids to figure everything out themselves. Got a problem? Take a pill. Parents are too busy working or just don't give a shit. My friend who got married last month is a teacher and he has countless horror stories. A parent of a 12 year-old came up to him and basically asked him how to be a parent. Ya know, they don't give teachers these Dr. Spock-like manuals on how to be a parent. And, because of a fear of lawsuits, teachers have limited abilities to handle disciplinary problems.
Not every kid is on Ritalin. Not every kids brings a gun to school and shoots up their classmates. What's their secret? Why do some kids play violent videogames and not become violent themselves? What does it mean to be a boy or a girl? How should this affect how society treats you? What does TV do to kids? Questions, questions, questions. At least on that last one, I can look towards an old college professor.
Several people I know really loved Forrest Gump and, when I told them that I thought it was horrible, they often defended it by saying something like, "But it was a charming fairy tale for adults!". While I think I understand what they were getting at, I just couldn't see it in that light. To me, it was a gross over-simplification of reality. There was no magic to it. Fairy tales show life, including its darker elements, filtered through an enchanting, childlike world of imagination.
As Richard Zacks pointed out, all of the classic fairy tales that parents read to their children or Disney puts on the big screen were originally much more sinister. Sleeping Beauty was raped was while under the spell that made her unconscious. Goldilocks became a young girl only in 1918 - she was an old woman prior to that. In a 19th century version, the bears impale her on a church steeple. The original Little Red Riding Hood was emblazoned with sexual tension and a dirty pun. In the end, she was eaten by the wolf.
Scholars attribute what we now consider the "darker" elements of these stories to the fact that, a few hundred years ago, they were told to children and adults. Today, at least in America, these stories are emasculated. I wonder if this is an American phenomenon. As one person here pointed out, it seems like American want to shelter their kids from reality. One upshot of this is that, upon turning 18, they are suddenly thrust into the real world.
In the mid-1990s, 10-12% of male school children in the United States was on Ritalin. How many of them really had Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder? Add in the girls and you have - what? - 12-15% of all school kids in the US hopped up on amphetamines? Doesn't this seem even a little askew if not downright ludicrous? How about kids on Prozac? We give such anti-depressants to kids as young as 4 here. 4 years old! In one year, the number of children on Prozac went up 5 times. Around the same time, the number of kids under 18 on Prozac or an equivalent was moving up towards a million.
These numbers scare me. Not the least because no one really knows the long term effects of these drugs on brains that are still developing. There is no doubt in my mind that there are kids out there with mental maladies that really benefit from these drugs. Are kids in general really that fucked up? Hell, maybe they are. But could we also be screwing with kids brains that are screwed up enough by virtue of being teenagers?
Now, I don't mean to insult teenagers - I just know what a weird time of your life it is. Saying it is an awkward period is like saying that the evacuation of Dunkirk was a bit disorganized. I probably have greater sympathy now for teens than I did when I was one myself. This is because I know just how genuinely fucked up many adults are. One day things are all hunky-dory and the next thing you know you start getting hair in various spots where there was none before, your voice drops or your breasts grow, girls hit menarche, etc. Hormones are raging rendering you a complete knob end. The adult world doesn't seem so far off suddenly and peer pressure kicks in. Hey, it's a crazy, mixed-up time and you have little experience to draw on for reflection. Hell, teenagers generally don't wanna reflect - there's all these distractions like memebers of the opposite sex, drugs, and just going out and being stupid.
And it's not that teenagers are necessarily stupid - many tack the windy seas of teenagehood and become fully-functional adults. But adults are supposed to help kids. You know, be active in their lives. When I was having some particularly nasty problems at 16, a couple teachers stepped in lent a hand and an ear. Teenagers can also be kept on the right path with the foot, namely, in the ass. That's where my dad came in.
It seems like the hands-off approach is much more prevalent now than when I was a teen. This is a whole lotta anecdotal evidence, I admit, but talking to teachers and social workers, I get this picture that American society expects kids to figure everything out themselves. Got a problem? Take a pill. Parents are too busy working or just don't give a shit. My friend who got married last month is a teacher and he has countless horror stories. A parent of a 12 year-old came up to him and basically asked him how to be a parent. Ya know, they don't give teachers these Dr. Spock-like manuals on how to be a parent. And, because of a fear of lawsuits, teachers have limited abilities to handle disciplinary problems.
Not every kid is on Ritalin. Not every kids brings a gun to school and shoots up their classmates. What's their secret? Why do some kids play violent videogames and not become violent themselves? What does it mean to be a boy or a girl? How should this affect how society treats you? What does TV do to kids? Questions, questions, questions. At least on that last one, I can look towards an old college professor.
21 January, 2004
Blinded Me With Science
While I was at my local coffeeshop the other day, another regular came in to get a cuppa joe to go. While I don't know her, I've been there several times when she was and I've noticed that she is a very friendly extrovert. Anyway, she makes a comment about the Mars lander and goes on to accuse NASA of having sent the roving robot to see if Mars could be another potential supply of natural resources we could exploit.
Earlier today I read the diary of a woman which was a list of questions directed at "evolutionists" by a "creation-scientist". The diarist is a born-again bible-basher so I assume that she agreed with the premise behind it all. And since directing a question like "Where did matter come from?" to an evolutionist is like asking a paraplegic about running a marathon.
These little instances demonstrate, to me anyway, a great distrust and ignorance of science. Rather than having a sense of wonderment that we've sent a machine some 48 million miles to another fucking planet and being in awe of the magnificent vistas of the Red Planet, all she can do is bitch. And rather than actually learn what evolution is and how science works, my fellow ODer just regurgitates the pieties of a lunatic.
Environmental conservation, agricultural science, medicine - they all have underpinnings in evolutionary biology. As Theodosius Dobzhansky said, "Nothing in biology makes sense except in light of evolution." And I bet that woman at the coffee shop has no problem with the chemists that devised the materials of her clothes, the engineers whose work became her car, the people who formulated her hair care products, etc. Why do people distrust scientists so much yet run around enjoying all of the toys they create? Why do people think there's this cabal of cigarette-smoking scientists plotting evil?
I saw this program on the Science Channel this evening about the genetic disorder called progeria syndrome. It causes its victims - children - to age at a vastly accelerated rate and they usually die as teenager. Their faces become deformed and they have a whole host of medical problems. The show profiled a scientist who was studying children afflicted with the disorder so he could find a cure. THIS is the kind of thing that I think about when I think of science. Well, that and guys in lab coats ensconced underground ramming various sub-atomic particles into each other to shed light on string theory. Scientists don't oppress minorities, they spend years of their lives digging up dinosaur bones with paintbrushes and those things you use to rearrange your cuticles.
Learn about what scientists do and why they do it. Are there frauds and cheats? Sure, just like any other human endeavor. But, unlike, say religion, science is a self-correcting process. Check out last months Popular Science for a list of some scientists caught cheating. Have you ever seen the Church list the names of paedophiliac priests?
Does no one actually appreciate the work that goes into the things that make our lives easier and things that add pleasure and depth? Does anyone else have an appreciation for this wonderful world and its wonderful web of complexity? Science has given me a tremendous appreciation for life, for this world, and beyond. So instead of just talking out of your asshole, try learning so that you can at least make an informed criticism.
Earlier today I read the diary of a woman which was a list of questions directed at "evolutionists" by a "creation-scientist". The diarist is a born-again bible-basher so I assume that she agreed with the premise behind it all. And since directing a question like "Where did matter come from?" to an evolutionist is like asking a paraplegic about running a marathon.
These little instances demonstrate, to me anyway, a great distrust and ignorance of science. Rather than having a sense of wonderment that we've sent a machine some 48 million miles to another fucking planet and being in awe of the magnificent vistas of the Red Planet, all she can do is bitch. And rather than actually learn what evolution is and how science works, my fellow ODer just regurgitates the pieties of a lunatic.
Environmental conservation, agricultural science, medicine - they all have underpinnings in evolutionary biology. As Theodosius Dobzhansky said, "Nothing in biology makes sense except in light of evolution." And I bet that woman at the coffee shop has no problem with the chemists that devised the materials of her clothes, the engineers whose work became her car, the people who formulated her hair care products, etc. Why do people distrust scientists so much yet run around enjoying all of the toys they create? Why do people think there's this cabal of cigarette-smoking scientists plotting evil?
I saw this program on the Science Channel this evening about the genetic disorder called progeria syndrome. It causes its victims - children - to age at a vastly accelerated rate and they usually die as teenager. Their faces become deformed and they have a whole host of medical problems. The show profiled a scientist who was studying children afflicted with the disorder so he could find a cure. THIS is the kind of thing that I think about when I think of science. Well, that and guys in lab coats ensconced underground ramming various sub-atomic particles into each other to shed light on string theory. Scientists don't oppress minorities, they spend years of their lives digging up dinosaur bones with paintbrushes and those things you use to rearrange your cuticles.
Learn about what scientists do and why they do it. Are there frauds and cheats? Sure, just like any other human endeavor. But, unlike, say religion, science is a self-correcting process. Check out last months Popular Science for a list of some scientists caught cheating. Have you ever seen the Church list the names of paedophiliac priests?
Does no one actually appreciate the work that goes into the things that make our lives easier and things that add pleasure and depth? Does anyone else have an appreciation for this wonderful world and its wonderful web of complexity? Science has given me a tremendous appreciation for life, for this world, and beyond. So instead of just talking out of your asshole, try learning so that you can at least make an informed criticism.
20 January, 2004
I've Known No War
I appeared in the paper today. The second time ever. (The first involved being at a bar to watch the Badgers in a bowl game with my drunk friend raking on Mormons to the reporter. Then Chris Farley showed up...) The Wisconsin State Urinal printed that letter to the editor that I whisked off a couple days ago. It was, of course, bastardized and, to my eyes, barely recognizable and nearly unreadable. They kept the first and last paragraphs and even they were trimmed. While my general point got across, readers were deprived of my wonderful prose. I crafted an astute letter with each paragraph wielding metaphor and simile to compare the editor's view to that of the habits of children while the great librarians were akin to loving, knowledgeable parents. And the fuckers eviscerated it! At least they corrected my spelling faux pas.
Dinner turned out pretty well. My landlord really like the black beans. There is precious little foodstuff that bacon cannot in some way enhance. Yes, that wonderful, magical animal.
I think something is wrong with me. Different at the very least. My landlord and I were talking about Dean's speech and the conversation turned to speeches generally. I asked him if he'd ever heard the Great Speeches of the 20th Century set. He hadn't. So I grab the box and show it to him. He was enthralled. It's a 4CD set collecting bits of great speeches from - you guessed it - the previous century. So I listened to some of the tracks. Lou Gehrig's farewell speech, FDR declaring war on Japan, Ronald Reagan on the Berlin Wall. The very recent ones have great fidelity but are somehow not as appealing to me as the ones from the early 1900s such as Woodrow Wilson addressing the American Indians. The voices are tinny and sound as if they're struggling to get out of the speakers. But these are the ones that capture my imagination. I suppose it's because the I watched the ones from the 1980s and 90s on TV. They have been soundbyted to death and have lost their impact on me, in a sense. But hearing Hitler speak about the German occupation of the Sudetenland in Czechoslovakia just takes me into terra incognita. As I've had some German, I understand bits & pieces but I mainly listen to the tone of his voice, his enunciation. I try to relegate history to the back of my mind but it's difficult. Pogroms and fire bombings. Children being vaporized in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The Bataan Death Marchers who dug graves only to be buried alive in them. I manage to shove the images of these things into some recess and keep them at bay for a little while so I can listen to Hitler as someone who could not imagine the horrors he would sanction. To hear a dictator in the making as opposed to a personification of Lucifer.
World War II occupies this weird spot in my brain. As far back as I can remember, my father has been fascinated by it and he reckoned himself an amateur historian. We had shelves and shelves of books dedicated to nearly every aspect of the conflict. He had most volumes of History of United States Naval Operations in World War II by Samuel Eliot Morison. If had wanted to know all the details of the war in North Africa, it was there. Books documenting tanks, planes, guns, uniforms - it was a mania. My dad would go to bars and strike up conversations with any WWII veterans he met and was especially keen on guys who saw action in the Pacific theater and even more so about those who were at Iwo Jima. While he met former Marines who said they were there, none of them would talk about their experiences. Who can blame them for not wanting to relive the carnage in public?
"The Marines worked together to drive the enemy from the high ground. Their goal was to capture the area that appropriately became known as the 'Meat Grinder'...The 36-day assault resulted in more than 26,000 American casualties, including 6,800 dead. Of the 20,000 Japanese defenders, only 1,083 survived...Historians described U.S. forces' attack against the Japanese defense as 'throwing human flesh against reinforced concrete'...Twenty-seven Medals of Honor were awarded to Marines and sailors, many posthumously - more than were awarded for any other single operation during the war."
Iwo Jima is only 8 square miles of island and in March of 1945 it had 25000+ corpses littering it. I can still remember this picture in one of my dad's books. It showed the charred face of a Japanese soldier. The Japanese were dug in and lived in a series of pillboxes and tunnels. American G.I.s emptied these tunnels one by one with grenades and flame-throwers and the picture in my head is of a Japanese soldier who was emerging from one of these tunnels when he had a stream of flaming oil shot at him. Not sure why that image is burned into my memory but it is.
So I grew up and started going to bars and met veterans myself. Mostly from Vietnam but a couple from Korea. Two or three sobbed uncontrollably as they told their stories of having a friend die in their arms. I used to work with a Vietnam vet. The shit he did, the hells he endured boggle the mind. Shooting 2 old ladies in the head as per his COs orders. Being alone in a foxhole for nearly 2 weeks. Killing (and gutting) a teenage boy who attacked him.
It's funny in only the saddest way how history repeats itself.
Dinner turned out pretty well. My landlord really like the black beans. There is precious little foodstuff that bacon cannot in some way enhance. Yes, that wonderful, magical animal.
I think something is wrong with me. Different at the very least. My landlord and I were talking about Dean's speech and the conversation turned to speeches generally. I asked him if he'd ever heard the Great Speeches of the 20th Century set. He hadn't. So I grab the box and show it to him. He was enthralled. It's a 4CD set collecting bits of great speeches from - you guessed it - the previous century. So I listened to some of the tracks. Lou Gehrig's farewell speech, FDR declaring war on Japan, Ronald Reagan on the Berlin Wall. The very recent ones have great fidelity but are somehow not as appealing to me as the ones from the early 1900s such as Woodrow Wilson addressing the American Indians. The voices are tinny and sound as if they're struggling to get out of the speakers. But these are the ones that capture my imagination. I suppose it's because the I watched the ones from the 1980s and 90s on TV. They have been soundbyted to death and have lost their impact on me, in a sense. But hearing Hitler speak about the German occupation of the Sudetenland in Czechoslovakia just takes me into terra incognita. As I've had some German, I understand bits & pieces but I mainly listen to the tone of his voice, his enunciation. I try to relegate history to the back of my mind but it's difficult. Pogroms and fire bombings. Children being vaporized in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The Bataan Death Marchers who dug graves only to be buried alive in them. I manage to shove the images of these things into some recess and keep them at bay for a little while so I can listen to Hitler as someone who could not imagine the horrors he would sanction. To hear a dictator in the making as opposed to a personification of Lucifer.
World War II occupies this weird spot in my brain. As far back as I can remember, my father has been fascinated by it and he reckoned himself an amateur historian. We had shelves and shelves of books dedicated to nearly every aspect of the conflict. He had most volumes of History of United States Naval Operations in World War II by Samuel Eliot Morison. If had wanted to know all the details of the war in North Africa, it was there. Books documenting tanks, planes, guns, uniforms - it was a mania. My dad would go to bars and strike up conversations with any WWII veterans he met and was especially keen on guys who saw action in the Pacific theater and even more so about those who were at Iwo Jima. While he met former Marines who said they were there, none of them would talk about their experiences. Who can blame them for not wanting to relive the carnage in public?
"The Marines worked together to drive the enemy from the high ground. Their goal was to capture the area that appropriately became known as the 'Meat Grinder'...The 36-day assault resulted in more than 26,000 American casualties, including 6,800 dead. Of the 20,000 Japanese defenders, only 1,083 survived...Historians described U.S. forces' attack against the Japanese defense as 'throwing human flesh against reinforced concrete'...Twenty-seven Medals of Honor were awarded to Marines and sailors, many posthumously - more than were awarded for any other single operation during the war."
Iwo Jima is only 8 square miles of island and in March of 1945 it had 25000+ corpses littering it. I can still remember this picture in one of my dad's books. It showed the charred face of a Japanese soldier. The Japanese were dug in and lived in a series of pillboxes and tunnels. American G.I.s emptied these tunnels one by one with grenades and flame-throwers and the picture in my head is of a Japanese soldier who was emerging from one of these tunnels when he had a stream of flaming oil shot at him. Not sure why that image is burned into my memory but it is.
So I grew up and started going to bars and met veterans myself. Mostly from Vietnam but a couple from Korea. Two or three sobbed uncontrollably as they told their stories of having a friend die in their arms. I used to work with a Vietnam vet. The shit he did, the hells he endured boggle the mind. Shooting 2 old ladies in the head as per his COs orders. Being alone in a foxhole for nearly 2 weeks. Killing (and gutting) a teenage boy who attacked him.
It's funny in only the saddest way how history repeats itself.
Let's Undress Just Like Cross-Eyed Strangers
There's a really good show up at Wilco's web page. It's from September of last year when they opened up for REM. The really neat part is that singer Jeff Tweedy barely sings and leaves the vocal duties to bassist John Stirrat. He's got a good smooth voice - unlike Tweedy's - but his singing style is sloppy like Tweedy's hence it's perfect for Wilco tunes.
I can feel a Wilco bender coming on. In fact, I think that after I hear "Misunderstood" - one of my favorite tunes by them - I'm gonna throw on A.M.. Haven't heard that album in a while. There's just something about them that feels like now. Ragged. Their music is ragged yet so melodic and catchy. And the lyrics are generally either a bit melancholic or just plain odd or both. But odd in a slightly caustic way. Jay Farrar writes some oddball lines too but his have less friction. I dunno. Maybe Jeff Tweedy just uses more hard consonant sounds or something. Whatever the case, brain says Wilco - ears get Wilco.
I had a meeting with one of my business partners yesterday evening. It went well but he told me something that, upon reflection, made me livid. He works for my former employer and was at a party recently held by one of the IT managers there. I know this manager a bit having been at his house a few times to fix his home PC. Anyway, at some point, this manager character starts listing the names of the homosexuals at the office. Then his wife pipes in and relates a tale of how she knows a gay man who, along with his husband, adopted a mentally retarded kid. She followed this with a comment like, "Can you imagine what they do to that poor kid?" This incident came up as my business partner is gay.
Driving home, the story ran in my head like a ticker tape. I'd always thought the manager to be a fairly nice guy, if a bit white bread-middle managementy. And I'd chatted with his wife on 2 or 3 occasions and she seemed nice. Well, that'll learn me for equating niceties with not being homophobic. Now, what in the name of fuck does this woman think those men do to the kid? Is she so detached from reality as to think that all gay men are paedophiles and go around indiscriminately sticking their cocks into every asshole owned by someone with a Y chromosome? This is exactly why I fucking hate small towns. They are dominated by small-minded dipshits who have no idea that heaven & earth really do have more than is dreamt of in their narrow, inbred, backwards philosophies. No amount of middle-class suburban sheen can darken that whiter shade of trash.
I spent much of yesterday morning reading more about Chinese medicine and re-reading sections of a book about the evolutionary origins of religion. In doing so, two things occured to me. Firstly, was just how interesting the Chinese (Oriental?) view of the world is. It is so incredibly different from mine - the West's. And I don't even know very much about it. As for the medicinal bit, I am getting lost. The task of remembering the various bits is in-and-of-itself daunting but add in having to absorb concepts foreign to my mindset makes the process even more imposing but ever so fascinating.
The first thing I came to terms with Yin and Yang. (And, as a local barista pointed out, the "a" in "yang" is pronouced like the "A" in...I dunno..."Reeperbahn".) Then came Qi (pronounded "chee"). And then the Spirits and Essence and now I'm on the Yang Organs. It's all neat and orderly in its way but I'm still getting used to the method of its madness. For instance, Blood is not the nice sanguinous liquid with which I am familiar. It's that and a whole lot more. Similarly, the Heart is not just that wonderful bundle of muscles in your chest either. This whole thing is going to require me to do a lot of re-reading and begging to Jolene for clarification.
It was a rather nice feeling to be reading something so wholly foreign to me. Most of the stuff I read is supplementary to what I already know. It fills in more details and adds to my knowledge of a subject with which I am already familiar. But now I find myself in unfamiliar territory. So I've decided this is gonna be my theme for 2004. I mean, since I can't come up with any resolutions to save my pitiful life, we'll just do what we can. So my bibliophilic inclinations will be steered towards topics and authors that are new and different - to me, at least. Same for everything else. Films, foods, people - the lot. So start sending me ideas and I don't care how odd or far-fetched they are - I want 'em. Tell me to read a particular author. Non-Western and/or female. I read books by virtually all white men. Know a good Mongolian folk band? Let me know. I've got a submissive side so threaten me with pain unless I cook tripe for supper one day. Think of all the stereotypical things straight white male atheist geeks like and do and give me the opposite.
As I said above, the other book I read was about religion or, more specifically, why our brains have it. I've read it before but, after reading some entries here by Xtians, I went back and re-read a couple chapters. Absolutely fascinating. Much better to my mind than Michael Shermer's mass mental negligence theory. As I sat there reading, two women sat down behind me. (I was at the cafe.) They were teachers and one was roughly my age and gorgeous. I felt almost embarrassed when I realized that she could see that I was reading an insidiously intellectual tome. I'm shy by nature so when I encounter a woman whom I find to be overwhelmingly physically attractive, I am a bit intimidated. (My Chinese medical diagnosis is probably too much Po or something like that.) The thing is, it's generally easy to overcome this or to turn the tables. I mean, I'm 6'2" and weigh about 225# (that's about 16 stone for all you English folk) so I'm almost always bigger physically. In addition, women whom I find to be stunningly gorgeous are usually dumber than a box of hammers. Ergo it would be easy in most circumstances to be kind of imposing, if I choose to be so. I dunno - there's gotta be some Freudian thing or Jungian complex at play here.
What's funny to me is that, in general, the women I find to be overflowing with beauty are seen as average-looking by my male friends. My female friends usually agree with me, though. I'll be in a tavern with some guys and point out a chickie across the bar to one of them. They'll usually say, "She's OK but her friend is hot!" This friend is almost always straight and thin. Pam told me in chat the other day that I was born in the wrong time. When I asked her what she meant, she said something like "Because you like women with long hair, hips, etc." Great. Well, I've never really been hip nor into fashionable things so I guess finding a woman that doesn't look like an extra from a Sally Struthers commercial is normal for me.
Oooh! Fishbone is playing now!
I can feel a Wilco bender coming on. In fact, I think that after I hear "Misunderstood" - one of my favorite tunes by them - I'm gonna throw on A.M.. Haven't heard that album in a while. There's just something about them that feels like now. Ragged. Their music is ragged yet so melodic and catchy. And the lyrics are generally either a bit melancholic or just plain odd or both. But odd in a slightly caustic way. Jay Farrar writes some oddball lines too but his have less friction. I dunno. Maybe Jeff Tweedy just uses more hard consonant sounds or something. Whatever the case, brain says Wilco - ears get Wilco.
I had a meeting with one of my business partners yesterday evening. It went well but he told me something that, upon reflection, made me livid. He works for my former employer and was at a party recently held by one of the IT managers there. I know this manager a bit having been at his house a few times to fix his home PC. Anyway, at some point, this manager character starts listing the names of the homosexuals at the office. Then his wife pipes in and relates a tale of how she knows a gay man who, along with his husband, adopted a mentally retarded kid. She followed this with a comment like, "Can you imagine what they do to that poor kid?" This incident came up as my business partner is gay.
Driving home, the story ran in my head like a ticker tape. I'd always thought the manager to be a fairly nice guy, if a bit white bread-middle managementy. And I'd chatted with his wife on 2 or 3 occasions and she seemed nice. Well, that'll learn me for equating niceties with not being homophobic. Now, what in the name of fuck does this woman think those men do to the kid? Is she so detached from reality as to think that all gay men are paedophiles and go around indiscriminately sticking their cocks into every asshole owned by someone with a Y chromosome? This is exactly why I fucking hate small towns. They are dominated by small-minded dipshits who have no idea that heaven & earth really do have more than is dreamt of in their narrow, inbred, backwards philosophies. No amount of middle-class suburban sheen can darken that whiter shade of trash.
I spent much of yesterday morning reading more about Chinese medicine and re-reading sections of a book about the evolutionary origins of religion. In doing so, two things occured to me. Firstly, was just how interesting the Chinese (Oriental?) view of the world is. It is so incredibly different from mine - the West's. And I don't even know very much about it. As for the medicinal bit, I am getting lost. The task of remembering the various bits is in-and-of-itself daunting but add in having to absorb concepts foreign to my mindset makes the process even more imposing but ever so fascinating.
The first thing I came to terms with Yin and Yang. (And, as a local barista pointed out, the "a" in "yang" is pronouced like the "A" in...I dunno..."Reeperbahn".) Then came Qi (pronounded "chee"). And then the Spirits and Essence and now I'm on the Yang Organs. It's all neat and orderly in its way but I'm still getting used to the method of its madness. For instance, Blood is not the nice sanguinous liquid with which I am familiar. It's that and a whole lot more. Similarly, the Heart is not just that wonderful bundle of muscles in your chest either. This whole thing is going to require me to do a lot of re-reading and begging to Jolene for clarification.
It was a rather nice feeling to be reading something so wholly foreign to me. Most of the stuff I read is supplementary to what I already know. It fills in more details and adds to my knowledge of a subject with which I am already familiar. But now I find myself in unfamiliar territory. So I've decided this is gonna be my theme for 2004. I mean, since I can't come up with any resolutions to save my pitiful life, we'll just do what we can. So my bibliophilic inclinations will be steered towards topics and authors that are new and different - to me, at least. Same for everything else. Films, foods, people - the lot. So start sending me ideas and I don't care how odd or far-fetched they are - I want 'em. Tell me to read a particular author. Non-Western and/or female. I read books by virtually all white men. Know a good Mongolian folk band? Let me know. I've got a submissive side so threaten me with pain unless I cook tripe for supper one day. Think of all the stereotypical things straight white male atheist geeks like and do and give me the opposite.
As I said above, the other book I read was about religion or, more specifically, why our brains have it. I've read it before but, after reading some entries here by Xtians, I went back and re-read a couple chapters. Absolutely fascinating. Much better to my mind than Michael Shermer's mass mental negligence theory. As I sat there reading, two women sat down behind me. (I was at the cafe.) They were teachers and one was roughly my age and gorgeous. I felt almost embarrassed when I realized that she could see that I was reading an insidiously intellectual tome. I'm shy by nature so when I encounter a woman whom I find to be overwhelmingly physically attractive, I am a bit intimidated. (My Chinese medical diagnosis is probably too much Po or something like that.) The thing is, it's generally easy to overcome this or to turn the tables. I mean, I'm 6'2" and weigh about 225# (that's about 16 stone for all you English folk) so I'm almost always bigger physically. In addition, women whom I find to be stunningly gorgeous are usually dumber than a box of hammers. Ergo it would be easy in most circumstances to be kind of imposing, if I choose to be so. I dunno - there's gotta be some Freudian thing or Jungian complex at play here.
What's funny to me is that, in general, the women I find to be overflowing with beauty are seen as average-looking by my male friends. My female friends usually agree with me, though. I'll be in a tavern with some guys and point out a chickie across the bar to one of them. They'll usually say, "She's OK but her friend is hot!" This friend is almost always straight and thin. Pam told me in chat the other day that I was born in the wrong time. When I asked her what she meant, she said something like "Because you like women with long hair, hips, etc." Great. Well, I've never really been hip nor into fashionable things so I guess finding a woman that doesn't look like an extra from a Sally Struthers commercial is normal for me.
Oooh! Fishbone is playing now!
Where's Ed Anger?!?
I am still peeved! There was an editorial in one of our local papers in which someone expressed relief that our city's Read It/Share It program had been dismantled. I was so pissed off that I emailed a response.
The program solicited suggestions for a book for the city to read. A title was chosen, the library would buy lots of copies, and then the library would host discussion groups. So the woman says a "hallelujah!" and bitches that there are not enough copies of best-sellers. What I found profoundly irritating were her little attempts at being funny and hip in only the most trendy, post-modern way. For instance, she said that she would never attend a discussion group as it would be a waste of time since there were other books to read. So obviously she doesn't really give a shit about what she reads. It seems that, for her, reading is about getting an ephemeral thrill - shame on you if you dare think about what you read. She also knocked the concept in general by saying that it was an example of "group-think", whatever the fuck that is, and that this scared her. Of course, it is not a case of "group-think" for everyone to go out and read the latest opus from Dan Brown because it's on some NYT list.
If the program was 86'd because of budget constraints, why not speak of those? And why not say 1 good word about the librarians who bust their balls in loom of decreasing funds?
It never ceases to bug the shit out of me seeing people being fucking cheerleaders for the lowest common denominator. Let's make everything for stupid people. Fucking philistine!
The program solicited suggestions for a book for the city to read. A title was chosen, the library would buy lots of copies, and then the library would host discussion groups. So the woman says a "hallelujah!" and bitches that there are not enough copies of best-sellers. What I found profoundly irritating were her little attempts at being funny and hip in only the most trendy, post-modern way. For instance, she said that she would never attend a discussion group as it would be a waste of time since there were other books to read. So obviously she doesn't really give a shit about what she reads. It seems that, for her, reading is about getting an ephemeral thrill - shame on you if you dare think about what you read. She also knocked the concept in general by saying that it was an example of "group-think", whatever the fuck that is, and that this scared her. Of course, it is not a case of "group-think" for everyone to go out and read the latest opus from Dan Brown because it's on some NYT list.
If the program was 86'd because of budget constraints, why not speak of those? And why not say 1 good word about the librarians who bust their balls in loom of decreasing funds?
It never ceases to bug the shit out of me seeing people being fucking cheerleaders for the lowest common denominator. Let's make everything for stupid people. Fucking philistine!
Operator, Get Me Bishop Wilburforce
Despite being a godless heathen, I sometimes poke around blogs/diaries in search of a good religious diary. Almost invariably, I read that Christ luvs me or some such thing. Unfortunately, most of these diaries are by teenage girls and have entries like "I prayed for Bobby to ask me to the prom" followed by various quotations from the Scriptures. It's all, for me, pretty boring stuff.
I wonder why I never read a religious diary in which the author actually ponders anything or details how his or her beliefs figure into daily life. None of these people seem to reflect upon anything. Let me try to clarify.
Pretend that a Utilitarian has a diary. This person might scribe:
"Today I was confronted with a situation involving moral choice. I was forced to choose between two courses of action: A and B. So I did some hedonic calculus and determined that, while A would have been nice, I was morally compelled to choose B. Here's the high comedy that ensued..."
However boring the quotidian routine of a J.S. Mill adherent may be, at least they offered insight into how his/her beliefs inflected their daily life. And I wish a Christian would do that. Or a Muslim. Or a Hindu. Or whomever of whatever religious stripe.
What do your beliefs do for you? Are you inspired to proselytize? Do they inculcate a sense of hatred towards some of your fellow human beings because they do not share your beliefs? Would you vote for a pro-life candidate even if the rest of his platform is for shite? Did you denounce homosexuals and then find out that a friend or family memeber or co-worker whom you like was gay? What challenges your beliefs? I mean, come on, even St. Augustine was prone to doubt at points in his life.
Are there any Confessions out there?
I wonder why I never read a religious diary in which the author actually ponders anything or details how his or her beliefs figure into daily life. None of these people seem to reflect upon anything. Let me try to clarify.
Pretend that a Utilitarian has a diary. This person might scribe:
"Today I was confronted with a situation involving moral choice. I was forced to choose between two courses of action: A and B. So I did some hedonic calculus and determined that, while A would have been nice, I was morally compelled to choose B. Here's the high comedy that ensued..."
However boring the quotidian routine of a J.S. Mill adherent may be, at least they offered insight into how his/her beliefs inflected their daily life. And I wish a Christian would do that. Or a Muslim. Or a Hindu. Or whomever of whatever religious stripe.
What do your beliefs do for you? Are you inspired to proselytize? Do they inculcate a sense of hatred towards some of your fellow human beings because they do not share your beliefs? Would you vote for a pro-life candidate even if the rest of his platform is for shite? Did you denounce homosexuals and then find out that a friend or family memeber or co-worker whom you like was gay? What challenges your beliefs? I mean, come on, even St. Augustine was prone to doubt at points in his life.
Are there any Confessions out there?
Under Cover
Someone emailed me today and asked me a couple questions one of which was if I wore boxers or briefs. While I was happy to answer, I find myself curious: do women really care about what kind of undies we men wear? Well aside from my one correspondent. You women out there - what does a certain type of underwear mean to you? If a guy wears briefs, for instance, in what way does this color your perceptions of him? As a corollary, are women curious as to what kind of underwear other women prefer? Do you female folk have chats about the merits of thongs vs. high-cut thighs in public restrooms? Enquiring minds wanna know...
Why?
Why in the name of Mary is it newsworthy for a debunked bullshit artist like Uri Geller to come forward and give the results of hypnosis? The AP article said that Geller was "best known for his claimed telekinetic ability to bend spoons". What the fuck?!? Geller is a fraud, a con man, liar, a cheat. You can't bend spoons with your mind and James Randi came out and called Geller and his bullshit. Why is the AP not coming out and calling a spade a spade? Geller has no credibility, least of all when he hypnotizes people. He's a fake and a fraud who's merely changed his publicity hound methods. But it sure worked.
16 January, 2004
You, Madam, Are An Asshole
I found this quote today:
"Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women's bodies."
It was made by Andrea Dworkin. Now, I grant you that I haven't read the book from which it was culled so I don't know the context of the statement but, unless it was uttered by a fictional character that the narrator portrays as insane, doesn't this make little to no sense? I wonder how she justifies the remark. How can she equate het intercourse with contempt? She generalizes here so ALL het intercourse is contempt. Issues such as procreation, consent, love, et al are thrown out the window. It seems to me that this statement is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for humanity.
"Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women's bodies."
It was made by Andrea Dworkin. Now, I grant you that I haven't read the book from which it was culled so I don't know the context of the statement but, unless it was uttered by a fictional character that the narrator portrays as insane, doesn't this make little to no sense? I wonder how she justifies the remark. How can she equate het intercourse with contempt? She generalizes here so ALL het intercourse is contempt. Issues such as procreation, consent, love, et al are thrown out the window. It seems to me that this statement is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for humanity.
F*ck Stephen King
I know I shouldn't let little things piss me off but they do. At least when it comes to certain things. I saw a commercial for "Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital". What irritates me is that this TV series is a re-make of "The Kingdom", a mini-series from Denmark by Lars von Trier, et al. I shudder to think what is going to happen to that nice slice of Dogme 95 filmmaking from 1994. It just irritates me that Stephen King is being made out to be the man behind it when most of the work has already been done by an excellent Danish director. When Americans remake foreign TV shows/films, they usually get ruined. What the fuck is wrong with Americans that they can't handle subtitles? Go rent "The Kingdom". Unfortunately, "The Kingdom 2" is unavailable in the States. La Femme Nikita was a great movie as is but no - Hollywood had to remake it as Point of No Return which was horrible. And Brotherhood of the Wolf was fantastic! But it was in French so it bombed here at the box office. It had everything - the budget, the special effects, handsome leading man, hot chickie but it was in a foreign language so hardly anyone wanted to see it. Go rent that too, while you're at it.
Just too many philistines...
Just too many philistines...
Only 5 Months To Go
Master & Commander Don has announced the first spring canoe trip! The weekend before Memorial Day weekend. On the Flambeau River. It will be cool as I've never paddled the Flambeau. And some other friends and I take a trip down the Wisconsin River every Memorial Day weekend so I'd be going two weekends in a row! Add in the usual Wolf River trip in June, a trek or two up to Florence (on the Pine River), and perhaps a paddle down the Kickapoo and it adds up to great summer. Plus, I really wanna go back to that park by Black River Falls and camp on the Black River again. And there's that manmade lake nearby - fantastic swimming! Water so clear, you can see the bottom at 12' - and the white sand...man, I can't til spring now!
What Did Bishop Bancroft Think?
I've been poking around other diaries. There have been some interesting ones and some that fall into the "distressingly stupid" category. I found one that offered advice and answered questions and I thought that it was pretty neat. Why doesn't anyone ask me for advice?
And then there are the religious diaries. I may be an atheist but I'm happy to let religious folk believe what they will. But I always find it funny when these people quote the scriptures and either find some meaning in it that only they can or interpret the words literally. Taking the Bible literally humors me because people who do so have no idea whose words they are taking. I mean, the Bible wasn't written with thee's and thou's - it was written in Hebrew and Aramaic. So, if a Xtian quotes, say, the King James flavor, then he is quoting words written in the early 17th century. (I think the King James version was completed in 1611.) And these words were taken from Latin which were taken from the Septuagint which was in Greek. So a reader of the King James version is reading a translation of a translation of a translation and can one expect everything to have been transcribed verbatim? Of course not. You've got these shady tonsured characters sitting in scriptoriums throughout the Middle Ages copying everything by hand. There were mistakes and, no doubt, liberties taken by the transcribers. The Old Testament and the Hebrew Bible are not completely the same in that the OT has more books to it. And don't Presbyterians hold the Apocrypha to be legit?
Quoting the Bible is tricky business. Whose translation of whose Bible?
Words get written.
Words get twisted.
Old meanings move in the drift of time.
True disciples carrying that message
To colour just a little with their personal touch.
And then there are the religious diaries. I may be an atheist but I'm happy to let religious folk believe what they will. But I always find it funny when these people quote the scriptures and either find some meaning in it that only they can or interpret the words literally. Taking the Bible literally humors me because people who do so have no idea whose words they are taking. I mean, the Bible wasn't written with thee's and thou's - it was written in Hebrew and Aramaic. So, if a Xtian quotes, say, the King James flavor, then he is quoting words written in the early 17th century. (I think the King James version was completed in 1611.) And these words were taken from Latin which were taken from the Septuagint which was in Greek. So a reader of the King James version is reading a translation of a translation of a translation and can one expect everything to have been transcribed verbatim? Of course not. You've got these shady tonsured characters sitting in scriptoriums throughout the Middle Ages copying everything by hand. There were mistakes and, no doubt, liberties taken by the transcribers. The Old Testament and the Hebrew Bible are not completely the same in that the OT has more books to it. And don't Presbyterians hold the Apocrypha to be legit?
Quoting the Bible is tricky business. Whose translation of whose Bible?
Words get twisted.
Old meanings move in the drift of time.
True disciples carrying that message
To colour just a little with their personal touch.
07 January, 2004
Blah Blah Blah
If I keep listening to Rage Against the Machine, something bad is gonna happen. "Bulls on Parade" is playing and I'm thinking about how cool it must have been when the boys played that song outside of the Democratic National Convention in 2000. Even I, Joey Whitebread, would have been moshing.
Now here's something I find perplexing: I got this 4CD set of "blues masters". You've got Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters, The Hook, Leadbelly, and a host of others including - get this - Canned Heat. Why in the name of fuck would the compilers put a mediocre blues rock band along side Lightnin' Hopkins? They're the only white people on the whole set. Here's what you do if you need a token white boy for a blues compilation - forget it. White people play the blues for shite. I think I'm becoming a blues purist because I feel that the blues is acoustic and only played by black people from the rural Southern U.S. I'll give folks like Muddy Waters a break because they were sharecroppers in the South who migrated. But if you were born on the south side of Chicago and pick up an electric guitar, you've just started playing a blues derivative. And, as far as I'm concerned, people like Eric Clapton and Johnny Lang and Susan Tedeschi are completely removed from the blues idiom. Finally, the Grateful Dead should never have ever covered a blues song. They massacred them.
I've learned a few things the past week and one of them is just how handy playing Dungeons & Dragons is. While we were role-playing this past weekend, Middle Earth came up. Everyone but myself had read most of Tolkien's books so they were able to give me the background of the Lord of the Rings. You know, stuff that happened before The Hobbit. So, a couple days later, I talk to my dad who had recently seen Fellowship of the Ring. I found myself trying to explain things to him but failing miserably because I tried to do so in D&D terms and not a gamer is he. Like when trying to elucidate upon Gandalf's fate upon falling into that chasm in the Mines of Moria. A phrase like "he fell into a different plane" is pretty meaningless for most people but is clear as day for someone who plays Dungeons & Dragons. Saying that Gandalf was like a "demigod" flew right over my dad's head and I found that I had to define what a ranger was to him. We gamers know this crap like the back of our hands.
My landlord and I watched Nixon and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen last night. League was fun but nothing special. Of course, all of the subtleties of the graphic novel were lost. And I was surprised that my friend didn't recognize most of the characters. Being an Oliver Stone fan, I think Nixon is a fucking awesome flick. Anthony Hopkins is superb. Again I had to explain some stuff to Stevie. Hell, I thought everyone knew what the Pentagon Papers were. And the identities of the major Watergate plumbers. I just wish Bongo had the flick on DVD - VHS looks so fucking horrible to me now that I'm spoiled with digital cable and a DVD player. Next up, I have Terry Gilliam's cut of Brazil. A full account of the debacle behind the film can be found here.
Now here's something I find perplexing: I got this 4CD set of "blues masters". You've got Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters, The Hook, Leadbelly, and a host of others including - get this - Canned Heat. Why in the name of fuck would the compilers put a mediocre blues rock band along side Lightnin' Hopkins? They're the only white people on the whole set. Here's what you do if you need a token white boy for a blues compilation - forget it. White people play the blues for shite. I think I'm becoming a blues purist because I feel that the blues is acoustic and only played by black people from the rural Southern U.S. I'll give folks like Muddy Waters a break because they were sharecroppers in the South who migrated. But if you were born on the south side of Chicago and pick up an electric guitar, you've just started playing a blues derivative. And, as far as I'm concerned, people like Eric Clapton and Johnny Lang and Susan Tedeschi are completely removed from the blues idiom. Finally, the Grateful Dead should never have ever covered a blues song. They massacred them.
I've learned a few things the past week and one of them is just how handy playing Dungeons & Dragons is. While we were role-playing this past weekend, Middle Earth came up. Everyone but myself had read most of Tolkien's books so they were able to give me the background of the Lord of the Rings. You know, stuff that happened before The Hobbit. So, a couple days later, I talk to my dad who had recently seen Fellowship of the Ring. I found myself trying to explain things to him but failing miserably because I tried to do so in D&D terms and not a gamer is he. Like when trying to elucidate upon Gandalf's fate upon falling into that chasm in the Mines of Moria. A phrase like "he fell into a different plane" is pretty meaningless for most people but is clear as day for someone who plays Dungeons & Dragons. Saying that Gandalf was like a "demigod" flew right over my dad's head and I found that I had to define what a ranger was to him. We gamers know this crap like the back of our hands.
My landlord and I watched Nixon and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen last night. League was fun but nothing special. Of course, all of the subtleties of the graphic novel were lost. And I was surprised that my friend didn't recognize most of the characters. Being an Oliver Stone fan, I think Nixon is a fucking awesome flick. Anthony Hopkins is superb. Again I had to explain some stuff to Stevie. Hell, I thought everyone knew what the Pentagon Papers were. And the identities of the major Watergate plumbers. I just wish Bongo had the flick on DVD - VHS looks so fucking horrible to me now that I'm spoiled with digital cable and a DVD player. Next up, I have Terry Gilliam's cut of Brazil. A full account of the debacle behind the film can be found here.
This Just Ain't Good
Here's a bit from the New York Post. It's like vagina dentata - but worse.
A she-bomber planned to blow up British Airways Flight 223 over Washington with plastic explosives hidden inside her body, a chilling new report says. U.S. security services told Scotland Yard that the woman - almost certainly linked to al Qaeda - planned to hide 8 to 12 ounces of the material tucked inside her reproductive region, London's Mirror newspaper reported.
When the flight was over the nation's capital, the bomber would go to the bathroom, remove the explosives and detonate a blast that would blow the aircraft out of the skies.
A Homeland Security official said he was unaware of a specific threat of a female suicide bomber who would hide explosives in her body.
But he added, "We've had concerns about IEDs" - improvised explosives devices.
As a result, airport security screeners check for women wearing loose clothing and other signs the official declined to talk about.
"Smuggling a bomb onto a plane by this method is one of our worst nightmares," a senior Scotland Yard source told the newspaper. "If you do not have specific information about the suspect, it would be impossible to carry out an intimate body search of every female passenger."
A she-bomber planned to blow up British Airways Flight 223 over Washington with plastic explosives hidden inside her body, a chilling new report says. U.S. security services told Scotland Yard that the woman - almost certainly linked to al Qaeda - planned to hide 8 to 12 ounces of the material tucked inside her reproductive region, London's Mirror newspaper reported.
When the flight was over the nation's capital, the bomber would go to the bathroom, remove the explosives and detonate a blast that would blow the aircraft out of the skies.
A Homeland Security official said he was unaware of a specific threat of a female suicide bomber who would hide explosives in her body.
But he added, "We've had concerns about IEDs" - improvised explosives devices.
As a result, airport security screeners check for women wearing loose clothing and other signs the official declined to talk about.
"Smuggling a bomb onto a plane by this method is one of our worst nightmares," a senior Scotland Yard source told the newspaper. "If you do not have specific information about the suspect, it would be impossible to carry out an intimate body search of every female passenger."
05 January, 2004
Ally McBeal in Belsen
I saw some disgusting pictures yesterday. They were of women and so heinous that I began to feel sick. You see, I was in line at the grocery store and decided to flip through one of those stupid papers they have at the check-outs of grocery stores. And it wasn't a good one like the Weekly World News either - like Star or something similar. Anyway, there was an article on the weights of various actresses including Calista Flockhart and Lara Flynn Boyle. It showed picture of these 2 women in which they looked almost completely emaciated, like they were adjusting their weights for roles in a movie about the Holocaust or something. They were all boney and scraggly and just disgusting. What the hell were these women thinking? Where were friends and family during their declines to 96 pounds? Christ, the cinematographer and the make-up artist can only do so much to make you not look like death on 2 legs. Sheesh! How many wardrobe ladies have size 0 outifts at their disposal? You'd need the computer animators from the Lord of the Rings movies to make Flockhart and Boyle not look like Golem. Here's a couple pictures of the former Twin Peaks honey. Christ, I even found an article which stated that casting directors are avoiding her because of her weight, or lack thereof. Now, when you're a woman and you can't land a gig because you're too thin, you know you're shit's fucked up.
And who are these guys that find this Auschwitz chic attractive? Don't these women's boyfriends get scared of breaking them in half?
And who are these guys that find this Auschwitz chic attractive? Don't these women's boyfriends get scared of breaking them in half?
Purrrrr...
Everyone who knows me (or has read enough here), knows that I'm a computer geek. Part of my geekiness involves watching TechTV. One of the shows is hosted by the lovely Cat Schwartz. Due to a wee technical oddity unknown to her (or the webmaster), pictures of her topless were gleaned from her web site. Hopefully Jessica Corbin will be next...
03 January, 2004
Oh, This Is Just Rich
From the AP:
NAPLES, Fla. - The lead guitarist for the rock band Rush skirmished with sheriff's deputies, spat blood on one and was arrested on New Year's Eve after his son refused to leave the stage at a fancy hotel, authorities said.
Deputies said they had to use a stun gun on 50-year-old Alex Zivojinovich — known on stage as Alex Lifeson — for what they described as drunken, violent behavior at the Naples Ritz-Carlton hotel.
Christ! They had to use a stun gun - classic!! I've seen Rush a few times and Alex Lifeson is not a big guy. There's a lesson here: don't fuck with drunk Canucks in a rage.
I'm sorry I never post much about rock stars that are popular today - either they just don't interest me or I haven't any idea who the fuck they are. Britney Spears and OutKast don't appeal to me and who the fuck are Filter and Evanesence? From E!Online:
Pete Townshend says he was deadly serious about the child-pornography charges leveled against him in January.
In fact, he now says he even contemplated suicide during the heaviest media and legal onslaught following the disclosure of his name on an FBI (news - web sites) list of Internet kiddie porn suspects.
"If I had had a gun, I would have shot myself," he told London's Observer newspaper Sunday. "And if I had shot myself, it would have been fucking awful because it would have confirmed what everybody thought."
Wasn't a guy from King Missile busted on child pr0n charges? Or was it someone from Massive Attack? Too much to keep track of. Not to condone child pornography, but what the hell are the cops doing to catch the people making it? Sure, Townshend's escapade garnered a lot of press but has that sting operation actually netted any producers of the stuff he saw? And what was he looking at? Was it pictures of a 6 year-old girl or pictures of a 16 year-old girl from a country where one can give permission to be photographed in the buff at that age?
I guess it's nothing really new for Pete. Wasn't it back in '95 or so that he said something in an interview which caused everyone to point a finger at him that he was homosexual? They brought up the lyrics of "Rough Boys" and "And I Moved" as evidence. I forgot his explanation for "Rough Boys" but I do remember that "And I Moved" was originally written for Bette Midler ergo the woman's POV. It just irritates me that people make dumb arguments. But so what if he were gay or bi? In what way would this lessen the impact of his work? I guess that's what you get for having a view of sexuality that isn't black & white but a very nebulous gray and daring to tell people about it.
02 January, 2004
Thank You The Marketing Division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation
This just about guarantees the total collapse of Top 40 music into complete shite. From the NY Times Magazine.
Hit Song Science
By CLIVE THOMPSON
Published: December 14, 2003
When Norah Jones released her first album, she was a long shot at best. ''Come Away With Me'' was filled with mellow, sultry tunes -- precisely the opposite of the histrionic diva pop crowding the charts. Virtually no one expected Jones to score a major hit.
No one, that is, except for a piece of artificial intelligence called Hit Song Science, a program that tries to determine, with mathematical precision, whether a song is going to be a Top 40 hit. When the scientists fed Jones's album into that computer, alarm bells went off: the program predicted that eight tracks would hit the charts. ''We were like, whoa, that's funky,'' says Mike McCready, the C.E.O. of Polyphonic HMI, the Barcelona-based company that developed the software application. A few months later, Jones's album went multiplatinum -- and Hit Song Science had proved it could pick a hit as well as Clive Davis.
But how? At the heart of the program is a ''clustering'' algorithm that locates acoustic similarities between songs, like common bits of rhythm, harmonies or keys. The software takes a new tune and compares it with the mathematical signatures of the last 30 years of Top 40 hits. The closer the song is to ''a hit cluster,'' the more likely -- in theory -- that the kids won't be able to resist it. Yet the weird thing is, songs that are mathematically similar don't necessarily sound the same. The scientists found that U2 is similar to Beethoven, and that Van Halen shares qualities with the piano rock of Vanessa Carlton. Even more bizarrely, 50 Cent's throbbing rap tune ''If I Can't'' correlates with ''(There's) No Gettin' Over Me,'' a twangy country ditty by Ronnie Milsap.
This year, several record companies began using Hit Song Science to help pick which songs on an album to promote. Others are now using it in the studio, taking a rough mix of a new song, checking to see how hit-worthy it is, then tweaking it until it has ''good mathematics,'' as McCready puts it. He can foresee a day when most major hits will have been vetted by algorithms.
Which is, depending on how you look at it, either a wonderful breakthrough for science or an incredibly bleak statement about the music industry. Critics for years have complained that record labels produce only bland albums that mimic what's already popular. But Hit Song Science takes that trend to its logical absurdity: it does not merely aim at the middle of the road -- it calculates it, with scientific precision.
Hit Song Science
By CLIVE THOMPSON
Published: December 14, 2003
When Norah Jones released her first album, she was a long shot at best. ''Come Away With Me'' was filled with mellow, sultry tunes -- precisely the opposite of the histrionic diva pop crowding the charts. Virtually no one expected Jones to score a major hit.
No one, that is, except for a piece of artificial intelligence called Hit Song Science, a program that tries to determine, with mathematical precision, whether a song is going to be a Top 40 hit. When the scientists fed Jones's album into that computer, alarm bells went off: the program predicted that eight tracks would hit the charts. ''We were like, whoa, that's funky,'' says Mike McCready, the C.E.O. of Polyphonic HMI, the Barcelona-based company that developed the software application. A few months later, Jones's album went multiplatinum -- and Hit Song Science had proved it could pick a hit as well as Clive Davis.
But how? At the heart of the program is a ''clustering'' algorithm that locates acoustic similarities between songs, like common bits of rhythm, harmonies or keys. The software takes a new tune and compares it with the mathematical signatures of the last 30 years of Top 40 hits. The closer the song is to ''a hit cluster,'' the more likely -- in theory -- that the kids won't be able to resist it. Yet the weird thing is, songs that are mathematically similar don't necessarily sound the same. The scientists found that U2 is similar to Beethoven, and that Van Halen shares qualities with the piano rock of Vanessa Carlton. Even more bizarrely, 50 Cent's throbbing rap tune ''If I Can't'' correlates with ''(There's) No Gettin' Over Me,'' a twangy country ditty by Ronnie Milsap.
This year, several record companies began using Hit Song Science to help pick which songs on an album to promote. Others are now using it in the studio, taking a rough mix of a new song, checking to see how hit-worthy it is, then tweaking it until it has ''good mathematics,'' as McCready puts it. He can foresee a day when most major hits will have been vetted by algorithms.
Which is, depending on how you look at it, either a wonderful breakthrough for science or an incredibly bleak statement about the music industry. Critics for years have complained that record labels produce only bland albums that mimic what's already popular. But Hit Song Science takes that trend to its logical absurdity: it does not merely aim at the middle of the road -- it calculates it, with scientific precision.