Internal Exile

In the spirit of our D&D adventure, which, if you’ve read my last couple of entries, you’d know concern a twisted individual linking man and machine, I present this article entitled “DNA For Information Processing and Data Storage”. Perhaps one day we’ll be able to put a DNA hard drive in our computers. If so, I would just have to have Giger do me a casemod.

It’s a bit nipply outside! Hopefully Stevie will have a fire going by the time I get home. God daily! I just checked out the calendar for A Woman’s Touch and there’s a couple I’d like to attend but have no partner to go with. Let’s see here...we have Sex Toys 101. I could learn all about the EverReady. Then there’s Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the G-spot, T-zone & Prostate. Yes, tell me all about my prostate and the stimulation thereof. Finally, there’s Learning the Ropes: A Guide to Bondage for Beginners. Tying myself up just doesn’t seem like it would work. Kind of like trying to get that last nail in when you crucify yourself.

And as you cross the wilderness,
spinning in your emptiness;
you feel you have to pray.
Looking for a sign that the Universal Mind has written you into the Passion Play.
Skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.

In my last e-mail to Laura, I described to her some rather important events in my life that happened in 1997 or thereabouts and failed trying to describe their impact on me. In addition, I wrote about some of the ideas in A Deeper Freedom which I felt important. She replied, in part:

”Another part of the collaboration/competition concept that I’ve been pondering relates to relationships and the roles that we play in modern day society. I’ve wondered if we as a culture are trying to find solace in tradition, especially the tradition of religion and how the roles of men and women are defined. Is the majority of society going back 30 years or more and living out a life that is more predictable, more “accepted”. It could be that I have been blinded over the years into thinking that society is moving forward, becoming more accepting and open to alternatives and individuality. Maybe we were, but current events might be affecting us in ways that are only now becoming evident (especially after exit polling in the last election).

A line from Fiddler on the Roof: ‘Because of tradition we know who we are and what god expects of us.’ It seems to me that people are seeking this out in record numbers. Is it because this culture is lazy? Willing to acquiesce to ancient traditions originally established to control the masses, because it’s easy not to contemplate alternatives? I just saw ‘Funny Girl’ for the first time, and was taken aback by Omar’s character leaving the relationship because his wife was more successful than him. I could have it all wrong, since I was in and out while it was on, but that seemed to be the gist of it. I’m wondering how much of that plays out in romantic relationships today? How much is competition a factor? Questions I wish I had the answers for.

I feel a little lost in my place in the world at the moment. What path I should take to be most fulfilled as a person? Or is self-actualization an indulgence?”

I think I get the gist of what she’s saying/asking but I’ve not really thought much about tradition in this narrow a manner all that much. I suppose I shall have to. I’ve generally been more inclined to think of tradition in a broader sense and what need it may or may not fulfill in people as opposed to the legacy of gender roles that history has bequeathed to us. I wrote quite a bit about the lyrics of a certain band that, in my view, argues that Western Civilization has lost much tradition and, consequently, is in trouble. Not only of people being personally dislocated but also of society at-large facing environmental catastrophe because of the loss of the concept of stewardship. Instead of seeing the environment as being in our care, we see it as something to be exploited. I tend to think that the proverbial God-shaped hole is, in fact, tradition-shaped.

Tradition is such a nebulous thing. I mean there’s just so much of it that we are forced to sift and winnow through it to find things that we can incorporate into our own lives. Much of it we wouldn’t want, say, like traditions that discriminate upon race or gender. But others can genuinely make our lives richer. I guess I’m not sure exactly what she’s thinking in terms of a reversion in gender roles. Is she seeing things differently than I? Or is my sight not acute enough to see the changes? As for people “seeking out what God expects of them”, I suspect this is more PR than anything. I don’t think there are more people turning to religion now. In fact, the poll numbers show the opposite. A good night’s sleep is needed before I make even the slightest bit of sense of this.

Tonight I start The Next Life and I’m really looking forward to it. 3 CDs worth of Doctor Whoy goodness. I’ve got cabbage rolls in the oven but they won’t be done for a while yet as I mistook the new oven’s ON button for an on button. Apparently I forgot step #2 so they sat in there for a while sans heat.

I’m really in a Paul Menel mood. I love how he sings “A baby cries, another ghost/A different side to claim the most”. And the opening synth part that sounds like a flute – it reminds me of “Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun”. There’s just something so delicate, so fragile about it all. As if it could break at any moment. I just made me another IQ mix CD. There’s already one in my PC at work and it hasn’t left the CD-ROM drive in over a week. But I really wanted to hear “The Last Human Gateway”. I never did make that mix CD that I threatened a week or 2 ago but I’ve got some ideas. I wonder how listening to bits of Cyborgasm would do at work. Truth be told, I feel like making a really introspective and melancholy mix. It's like there's this part of me that feels guilty inside for not feeling particularly sad. As if I were overdue. Harumph.