A Grainy Picture of Marriage

Back in the old days when mayors and judges colluded to advance the Homosexual Agenda, our beloved malaprop, George Bush, could be seen on the news every night forecasting doom if queer folk were allowed to marry. He never got around to explaining exactly how this would happen as he was too busy telling shoving Dobsonian propaganda at us - that the foundation of civilization was marriage or was a cornerstone or some such thing. It made me think back to my history classes and to books I've read on the very topic of the history of civilization. I struggled to recall anyone ever saying that marriage gave birth to civilization. Instead it was agriculture that got us hairless apes to abandon our hunter-gatherer lifestyle and take up farming. And when you farm you stay in one place instead of wandering and make civilizations. I somehow just can't picture those early Iraqis - Mesopotamians - settling down next to the Tigris and Euphrates thinking to themselves that they ought to wait for marriage before having sex. Do you suppose the early Egyptians did as they watched the Nile flood and recede, deftly taking notes as to where and when to plant crops? I'm sorry Mr. President, civilization was founded on agriculture.

In celebration of this, I recently bought some Hertiage Ancient Grains cereal from Nature's Path. It features spelt, quinoa, and kamut - grains that are anathema to Wonder Bread. Grains grown and eaten by heathens who created civilizations and fornicated long before some desert nomads invented the Christian deity. Spelt, for instance, goes waaay back. There is evidence that ancient Greeks baked bread with it. And these Bronze Age ape descendants became the inhabitants of Classical Greece. You know, the civilization that gave us columns and philosophy and in which it was de rigueur for men to bugger boys. Then there's quinoa from South America. People have been growing it in South America since about 3000 B.C.E. You know, Mr. President, way back when dinosaurs were still around and before they became oil. Finally there is kamut, a grain grown by ancient Egyptians. You'd have liked them, Mr. President. They were monogamous. Well, mostly - except for the elite, like yourself. Wait. Maybe you wouldn't like them so much. I read here that divorces were easily obtained. Now how could a civilization be founded on marriage if divorce was, like today, no-fault and so easy to get? Something to contemplate over a bowl of cereal.