What I Need

I'm trying to keep my mind off of sex but it's, um, hard. I should probably change my wallpaper which features a gorgeous black-haired woman with beautiful breasts and erect nipples. Luckily listening to the news is proving to a help in this endeavor. You try listening to a woman who lost her son in Iraq and describe the callousness of Bush upon meeting him and I bet you'll find your libido on the wane too. But, not having had sex in nearly 3 weeks and no masturbation for the past 3 days, I'm not sure how long I can hold out.

I'm rather glad that yesterday is yesterday and today is today because yesterday just sucked. I was in a rather grumpy mood most of the day for unknown reasons. I just didn't want to deal with anyone and never wanted to be wherever it was that I happened to be. I avoided flirting with any of the usual women with whom I flirt, I didn't wander to any co-workers' desks to chat, or in any way let my usual gregariousness shine through. I have no explanation for how I felt. Instead I'm just glad that those feelings left me today, for the most part. But I suppose it has something to do with having parted ways with The Dulcinea, hot having been laid in what seems like years, and just feeling lonely. It will pass, I know.

In the meantime, I'm going to do my best to distract myself and not get bogged down in these feelings. This weekend is of the 3-day variety and Saturday will be spent on the lakes enjoying the weather, good company, and fireworks. If/when I get my butt in gear and buy tickets, I'm planning on heading down to Chicago on the 16th of next month to see Adrian Belew. And then on the 21st I'll be off to Milwaukee to catch the California Guitar Trio with Tony Levin. I am also hoping to go to the Bristol Renaissance Faire on the 23rd. At the moment, I'm trying to find a friend or friends in Chicago to head to the Park West for the Belew show with me. Ted and Andrew are maybes. I am also keen on doing some camping. The reason that I'm free this weekend to hit the lakes is that a canoe trip was cancelled due to the dry weather and a shallow river.

I just feel like I'm in a rut, overall. Just sort of here and I think that by getting out and about, I'll be able to beat that feeling. Being out of town is especially helpful in this sense. I suppose that there are other things at play too. Marv is being forced to move by noon on Saturday as the house he lives in was bought by a new landlord. While this normally is not a big deal, Marv revealed to me this past weekend that he's broke and will be depending on friends for a place to rest his head for a while. I felt bad upon hearing this news because being homeless can't be fun and being broke on top of it makes matters even worse. It struck me as odd that, for being broke, he was planning on heading to a tavern after boating last Saturday. Why, if he was really strapped for cash and facing the prospect of finding a new apartment which requires a security deposit and the first month's rent up front, was he going to a tavern? And what happened to all that money he got in the settlement for his accident? Marv is a freelance database programmer but he had steady employment at OCI for a while last year – where did the money go? I have a feeling I know where it went and Marv is to blame but I still feel horrible. He is my friend, after all. On the bright side, Dogger, Mel, and Miss Regan seem to be doing well. Mel very slowly moves towards normal movement and Miss Regan continues to grow. Walking, talking, and being oblivious to all the horrible shit that this world has to offer – as should be the case. But I worry. I worry every time George Bush opens his mouth. What the hell is this country going to be like when Regan is grown up? Will we still be in Iraq? Will she be conscripted into service to fight this war on terror? I suppose that worry has been the plight of all people with children in their lives.

Plus there are countless other friends whom I haven't seen in a while – Miss Rosie, The Pollack, and Lush, to name a few. What I really need to do is to resolve to see them. Or at least email them. Make some kind of contact. I've been horrible lately about this. Plus I have so many reviews and writing to do for my magazine that it's ridiculous. Maybe with this long weekend I can get some done. Surprisingly, e-mailing just one review in to my editor gives me a nice sense of accomplishment. And I really wanna get some canoeing in. I bailed on one trip for reasons I can't recall and 2 others have been cancelled. And I need to get me a bike helmet so I can do me some riding. And I owe Rachel a letter. Plus, now that my mom has moved into the 20th century and gotten a CD player, I should whip up a CD or 2 for her.

A to-do list, that's what I need!