No Carbs, No Fat, No Gluten, No Calories...No Shit

Last night The Dulcinea and I did a stint of shopping at Woodman's. At the end of one aisle, we came across this goop:



Turning the label on the neck of the bottle around, one would find out that the makers of this stuff, Walden Farms, have created a product that has no carbohydrates, fat, sugar, cholesterol, gluten, nor calories. They claim it's "The Worlds [sic] First and Only" pancake syrup to have absolutely no nutritive value and, presumably, they guarantee you shit it right out.

And I thought corn syrup with artificial maple flavoring was bad enough. Who would eat this crap? I love the company's name – Walden Farms. You get these warm, gushy feelings about Henry David Thoreau and nature yet no farm yields food that just zips right through your GI system leaving nary a trace of sustenance.

Don't give me any bullshit excuses about food allergies – this crap is about catering to a large segment of Americans who view food as poison instead of as necessary for life and a source of gustatory pleasure to boot. The fear of food that diet gurus and advertising companies can instill into people is astounding. I know people who were on one of those no carb diets a few years ago and they recoiled from the sight of potatoes. You know, that vegetable capable of preventing scurvy and that sustained the Irish people as well as various peoples native to South America. Fat, sugar, carbs – these are some of the building blocks of our mortal coils, not impediments to having a body suitable to be air brushed for a magazine cover.