Fearful Symmetries

Witness a machine turn coffee into pointless ramblings...

25 June, 2008

I Guess I Was Wrong About Jack Lambert

As a kid in the 1970s I was a big fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I don't have a good explanation for this; this was probably because they gave no quarter and just kicked ass. I remember how crushing their defense was and can still picture those guys from my football card collection. Sure, they murdered opposing offenses but most of them looked like decent guys when Topps got their photos.

Lee Greenwood, Dwight White, Donnie Shell – they all looked like normal hard-working guys who just happened to tackle other men for a living; Jack Ham had a full beard for a while which made him look all scholarly; hell, Mel Blount looked positively avuncular. And Mean Joe Greene? How mean could he really be if he gave that kid a towel?

But there was always this guy:



Jack Lambert was a psycho. His cards always showed him on the prowl for some rookie running back or with his mouth open exposing all those missing teeth. He was the one guy on that defense I'd not want to look at cross-eyed.

Thirty years later Terry Bradshaw has admitted to using steroids, albeit, he claims, for abetting the healing process instead of bulking up.

According to one ex-footballer, the Steelers were the leaders in making steroids chic back in the day. While hearing that many guys on that team used 'roids, I do have to admit that this took me off-guard:

Courson has also said that teammates such as Jack Ham and Jack Lambert adamantly refused to use them.

Are you shittin' me?!

Here's what rookie John Elway said of Lambert back in 1983: "He had no teeth, and he was slobbering all over himself. I'm thinking, 'You can have your money back, just get me out of here. Let me go be an accountant.' I can't tell you how badly I wanted out of there." The man admitted to getting satisfaction for hitting a guy and watching him lie there on the ground. Lambert body slammed Cliff Harris after Harris taunted the Steelers' kicker for missing a field goal.

And now I'm being told that the guy was merely a mean, toothless son of a bitch instead of one on steroids?! Sure, Lambert was never a goliath but surely anyone who is so mean as to hate himself was getting chemical boosts.

My illusions are shattered.
|| Palmer, 4:27 PM

6 Comments:

My brother in law WORSHIPS Lambert. His basement is a shrine to the toothless wonder. Hell,He even got a congrat card from the man himself when he got married to my sis. (Rather,sombody ponied up $$$$)
Fun Fact :Jack Lambert signs his name with his # and the Year he went in the Hall of Fame.

I don't see the evidence that he was on 'roids. Just cuz "everybody was doing it" means that EVERYBODY was doing it. "Everybody" was smoking pot and taking 'ludes in the 70s. My folks never smoked pot,how about yours?
Anonymous arch stanton, at 7:50 AM  
I know that my mom never did but my dad grew a plant once in our basement. The fate of this plant is something beyond my knowledge, however...
Blogger Palmer, at 8:13 AM  
"Republicans and Democrats can't give you the facts
Your parents won't tell you 'til you're grown
That every star that shines in the back of your mind
Is just waiting for its cover to be blown"
Anonymous Jeff Tweedy, at 9:53 AM  
Jay Farrar said...

"Try to face up to the blinding sun
Racing for the final word to come
Facing up, it's hard to stay devout
I can see the sand and it's running out"
Blogger Palmer, at 10:59 AM  
Guys, I'm still available.
Anonymous Mike Heidhorn, at 1:36 PM  
Dave Bryson says...

Bite me.
Blogger Palmer, at 1:44 PM  

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