I Know

I was given some information this morning which made me really sad. It was told to me in confidence so I cannot share it here. Hopefully the information will be eventuated soon because I’d like to write about some of the implications. A lot of things in the air but they’ll land soon enough, I suppose.

I met up with The Dulcinea at lunchtime. I left work a little bit earlier than I had intended owing to the fact that it’s incredibly slow today and I just wanted to get out of there and speak my piece. So I got to J.T. Whitney’s a bit early. Looking around I didn’t see her so I took a seat at the bar and ordered some coffee. I was reading the new Isthmus when The Dulcinea came up from behind. I think I said “Hi. Thanks for agreeing to meet me.” I paid for my coffee and we moved to a deserted table by the pool table. (Table…table…table…) At the moment, I prefer to keep the details of the conversation in my head alone. But I will say a few things. Firstly, she was incredibly nice - much moreso than I deserved. Secondly, it was good to tell her face-to-face "I'm sorry". Not only did was I able to assuage my guilt but I was also able to do the right thing for the first time in a long time. We ended up talking for over an hour. It felt so good to (finally!) tell her things that I should have told her months ago. Questions asked and answered. I think it was good for both of us. We each walked out with a copy of the latest Onion in hand and laughing as we went. Looking up ready to part, I see that she extended her arms and so we hugged. It was the best hug I've had in ages. Maybe I'm not forgiven and may never will be but the hug gave me hope. Hope that perhaps she will be able to forgive me someday. Hope that I can be a better person. I think we both wanted to cry as we said our final parting words - I know I did. (Later...later...) I've never been any good at saying goodbye. I wasn't able to tell my dad goodbye so it felt comforting to be able to say it to someone whom I care about.

I got in my car, started it, and turned on the tapedeck. "Up Over Yonder" came on. I turned it up nice and loud. A little air drumming and I was off.

Heading out walking
Nobody by my side
If you see me
allow me to pass on by