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I almost didn't get divorced this week.
Less than 24 hours before our allotted hour in court, I received word that my wife was going to delay the final hearing unless she received information about some trusts of which I am a beneficiary. She had no right to any of the money in the trusts and had been aware of this for some time. This was ridiculous and extremely frustrating.
She claimed that she was unaware of one of the trusts despite the fact that I had listed it in a filing that was sent to her and her lawyer and filed with the court last autumn. That filing also answered another of her questions. Why was she doing this? Her excuse was for "full disclosure" but the only answer I could come up with was that this was her last hurrah, her final chance to harass me and spew her contempt.
I answered the questions as best I could that night and sat by my inbox the next morning like an expectant father. An email bearing bad news appeared saying that she had asked her lawyer to file whatever it is you'd file with the court to delay the hearing. My wife's lawyer was apologetic for and incredulous of her client's behavior.
I met my neighbor outside shortly after this and chatted with him briefly. I told him that my divorce was not going as well as hoped and he said he'd pray for me. He must have done so right away because an email came shortly thereafter in favor of the efficacy of intercessory prayer: my wife had finally agreed to hold the hearing today. It was close - maybe only an hour and a half before our scheduled time.
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The hearing began a bit late as my wife had issues logging into the call. The court representative made sure that all of the needed paperwork had been filed. That being done, our lawyers then played 20 questions with each of us. When my wife answered her questions, the video switched to her face in full screen and I noticed how much she looked like her father. She had little, if any, make-up on which was a change from the past several months that we lived together when she would apply it very liberally. With closure now within our grasps, the haggling and bickering over, she looked pretty again to me. Pretty in a way she hadn't for a few years. It was very odd how my feelings had changed on such short order.
With the questions done, the court representative said that everything was in order and pronounced us ex-husband and ex-wife. Then we all left the call.
Despite my joy and relief, I couldn't help feel sad that this was all it took. A 15-minute Zoom call to end one of the most important relationships of my life. My marriage had been reduced to a mere contract, a contract with terms about money and nothing more. It felt anti-climactic and a bit demeaning. Shouldn't there be more of a to-do?
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Piper should have been here for this, the finalization of my divorce. My plan had been to come home from court or log off the Zoom call, hold her in my arms, and then hug & kiss her excessively before looking into her lovely feline eyes and telling her that it was over, that we had survived my now ex-wife. Liberal application of treats would have followed and dinner for her that night would have been tuna AND salmon. Or perhaps something even more fancy. Gluttony would have been the order of the evening.
But she wasn't around for the big moment so kissing her picture would just have to do.
On the one hand I was happy that my wife had become my ex-wife and that the legal process of divorce had concluded but on the other I was sad. I was sad due to Piper's absence but also because I felt like I had two decades plus of memories that no longer served a purpose. That and I didn't want them anymore.
While there are definitely memories of my time with my ex-wife that I want to keep with me to my end, the ones of my wife, especially of the last three and a half years or so can go. We organize our lives in stories and years of those memories were for her and me to tell our story to each other as well as the people in our lives as we grew old. But our story had come to an end.
I've told the stories to my friends and family, they need not be told to a lawyer any longer - not that they ever did - they've just outlived their usefulness. But I am stuck with them.
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I thought about my dearly departed cat as I stood outside waiting for my ride. It was so lovely out with the trees soaking up the life-giving rays of the sun while I missed Piper more than words can say.
Dinner was to be steak. Next week my new ladyfriend and I are going out to The Tornado Room for a fancy meal to celebrate my divorce - she promised to buy me a steak when it was finally over - and so this was merely a practice run.
I also had a fine lager beer and a salad dressed with Thousand Island, my brother's favorite. Both he and Piper may be gone but they've never left me.
After dinner my lady and I went to visit Piper.
The park was lovely and green, although it was yet to reach its peak verdant glory. We made our way to the arch where I had scattered Piper's ashes and I fell to my knees. I touched the ground and said hello to her.
"It's over, Pipey," I told her. "We survived {ex-wife's name}. I love you, Pipe. I miss you."
She should have been alive to witness this but at least I have a place to go to be with her in spirit.
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The next day my ladyfriend and I went out for a traditional Wisconsin Friday fish fry along with the woman who had officiated my wedding ceremony. The place was hoppin' and the staff were earning their keep. It didn't take us long to find a booth and soon we were seated with our drinks waiting on the arrival of the fried ocean goodness.
The woman had joined my ex-wife and me nearly 11 years ago. It was her hug, kiss, and words of encouragement just a week or so after I was served papers that let me know I was wanted, that life would get better. Her kindness gave me hope and set me on a better path.
None of us were angry at my ex-wife despite the ways she had exited all our lives. A little sadness, perhaps, but, in the main, we were celebrating new lives, new possibilities. I found that, with my marriage truly over and with the work I did in the woods a couple weeks ago to free myself of anger, I wished peace and happiness for my ex-wife. As our marriage spiraled downwards to divorce, I extended a lot of grace to her and I found that I was still willing to do so.
My friend was happy for me and it seemed a fitting bookend for the person who had created my union with my ex-wife to raise a toast to its end.
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