The Things I Do For Rhubarb

Jennifer,
I want you to know that I braved swarms of deadly mosquitoes to pick some rhubarb for a pie. While my mission was successful, I did not come out unscathed...

Be still my beating heart. Not only has the lad promised me a rhubarb pie but risks life and limb to fetch the essential ingredient from the wretched battleground that is the mosquito-filled garden. As reward, I pledge a salve for his wounds, made of my own tender kiss. That he survive to receive it, this is my prayer...

You are too kind, Mistress. One of the pesky critters flew up my shorts, into my boxers, and did render a bite unto my member.

On my honor, I have pledged to smother your flesh hith hot, wet kisses to counteract the wicked venom of the mosquito. And where would I be without my honor?

Thou would have thine honor but each kiss would abscond with thine virtue.

Alas. To keep this purest virture, mine - the answer then, is calamine.