One of my co-workers roasts coffee and he brought in some of the fruits of his labors to the office for everyone to enjoy. By everyone I mean him and me.
In addition to the desired earthy flavors, the lighter roasting produced some stonefruit tastes as well.
A cup of joe fit for Jehovah.
I fired up the grill on Sunday for what is hopefully not the last time this season.
The ribs were braised in the oven for a while before being finished off on the grill. I did so in some of that apple cider I had mulled on Saturday. For the rub I doctored some of Penzy's Northwoods Fire seasoning blend. And, since there were flames, I figured I'd cook some hot dogs as well. And, since I was doing dogs too, I figured I'd grill a banana for dessert. Grilled fruit is underappreciated in my humble opinion.
The gods showed mercy today as I ended up with the comparatively mild jalapeño jelly bean today.
There was a lovely breeze blowing off the lake yesterday evening as I marched to the shore to further sunder ties with my Noch-Frau. I was there to rid myself of my weddings bands that had bound us together by casting them into Lake Monona.
It was a much more emotional experience than I expected as tears welled in my eyes even as I walked down Walter Street to the lake shore. When I got there I put "Squonk" by Genesis on my headphones as it was my brother's favorite song of theirs and it has a special place in my musical heart. And so my dearly missed brother, Carl, was there with me as I flung the bands into the murky waters, ending my marital commitment to the Noch-Frau and confirming that my love for her is passed.
I had two bands as I lost the first one and had it replaced. The original turned up during a long overdue cleaning of the clothes washer's filter. The replacement went first with a leisurely throw while the one given to me on our wedding day was cast into the waters with more strength and determination, as if I was exorcising myself of demons by consigning it to the lake bed. The dork in me envisioned my band as the One Ring and the lake as the fires of Mount Doom because you know it had to.
To be honest, I was surprised at how cathartic the experience was. I felt a genuine sense of having severed adamantine chains that were holding me back, dragging me down. This morning was simply wonderful as I greeted the dawn with coffee in-hand as Piper meowed for attention (that she got). The walk to the bus stop was brisk but invigorating and I found the conversation with my fellow busrider while we waited - mainly about apples and apple recipes - warm and cheerful.
It's beginning to look like all those people who told me that it gets better were right.
After having been given a lesson on making pie crust, specifically rye pie crust, I made one solo for the first time.
Just like the last one, this pie was apple because the Paula Reds on my kitchen counter weren't going to make a pie out of themselves. It turned out fairly well.
Not the most aesthetically delightful pie ever, but it tasted good. Not sure if you can tell but the crust (bottom too) was a real Frankenstein job with gaps (and chasms) being patched with spare bits. But, as I said, it tasted good and went over well at gaming.
Last night it was Call of Cthulhu brought to you by Schlenkerla.
I shall be running The Mirror Collection at Gamehole Con and this was an initial run through. Overall, it went well, though I learned a couple things about plot progression for next time. And the rauchbier was excellent.
We played The Crew which I had played once before a few years back at Gamehole Con.
It was great fun and I got to meet some new people.
It's one of those relatively rare things in boardgaming as it's cooperative. The play is trick-taking. Players are given cards and then they go on a "mission" which involves a player or, more often, players needing to win a round which includes a specific card. With multiple missions, i.e. - cards that needed to be won by a specific player, you can look ahead and try to modify your hand to accommodate victory. For instance, if a low card is needed for the win, then you can try to rid your hand of higher value cards of that same color so you don't end up winning the round.
Gaming got me all excited for Gamehole and I suspect the majority of people that were in the room are going to attend.
I heard a sandhill crane's squawk earlier so I went outside to see if the bird was anywhere to be seen. While it was not, this chipmunk, who no doubt lives under the deck, was.
Yesterday evening I cooked Romanian for what is surely the first time in my life. The menu was simple but intriguing: stuffed celeriac.
I skinned the root and then dug out a cavity which would hold the filling. The filling was very simple - the celeriac that had been removed, garlic, salt, and pepper.
Once stuffed, put the diced root in a pan with some olive oil and that lemon-infused water that kept the root from browning. Well, browning too much, in my case.
Cook until done and serve.
It was tasty. Celeriac has a gentle celery flavor that was easily penetrated by the garlic's sharp pungency. While I ate it on its own, I think that it would be the perfect accompaniment for beef, particularly a beef roast. Will I eat the leftovers with a Vienna all beef hot dog? This is a definite possibility. Still, roast beef is the best bet.
After dinner I went to Chocolate Shoppe for dessert and to get in a bit of reading. I opted for the new flavor on the block, Apple Cider Doughnut. Highly seasonal.
It was quite good, as you would expect.
While there I noticed that Chocolate Shoppe has a new flavor contest ongoing. I grabbed an entry form and came up with a flavor on the way home.
Now all I need is a catchy name.
2025 began on a foreboding note: my wife didn't make Hoppin' John.
Divorce has brought about many unexpected things.
By the numbers:
5: days it took me to mourn the end of my marriage.
10: days it took me to stop checking that my wedding band was still on my finger.
My divorce is nothing at all like the break-ups I've had with girlfriends. While I still have a long row to hoe, I have been able to put certain things behind me with amazing rapidity.
I've noticed that it is getting progressively more difficult to recall the smell of my wife's skin. In fact, I am not sure that my memory of it today bears any relation to reality. I used to love to smell her neck and breathe in the alluring musky sweetness that was her. These days a miasma of what smells like coconut-scented lotions and potions follows her everywhere.
By contrast, I can recall the smell of a particular girlfriend's skin instantly and it's been 30 years.
Divorce has brought about many unexpected things.
I wrote not long ago that sometimes little things mean a lot. Such has been the case over the past few days.
Over the weekend I was at the supermarket where I had gone to procure some pumpkin for a pie now that I have been instructed on how to make pie crust. This was the fancy organic stuff and, after snatching a can and doing a 180, I was looking at the organic junk food. I began perusing the shelves for any novel salt & vinegar snacks. Had I, for example, missed the S&V chick pea chips, perhaps? As I was scanning for the Precious, someone pushed their cart past me. Upon looking up at the interloper, I found that it was a lovely woman roughly my age. She smiled at me and I was pleased to find that my natural reflex to smile back kicked in immediately instead of my brain intervening and having its usual conversation with itself about what to do and coming to the conclusion that I should smile back only after the woman was halfway down the aisle.
I felt like I was 12 again and a cute girl in my class had smiled at me. What a lovely feeling! It's one I haven't felt in ages.
And then one morning earlier this week on the bus as my stop approached, I made my way to the door and a woman, again roughly my age, flashed a highly winsome smile at me before quickly looking away. A fantastic way to begin the last leg of my journey into the office.
One is a fellow film devotee and I am grateful for the trips we take to the theater. Not only do I get to enjoy some fine cinema but I also get out of the house and away from the scene of some of the worst memories of my life. Plus the company is good. Younger generations receive a thorough excoriation in our conversations, I can tell you.
And his texts often come at just the right time - when I am feeling alone or ruminating. It is almost a preternatural ability.
The other is someone I've known since kindergarten. Cast your minds back, oh, 5 or 6 weeks. I am at work with a mere 5 minutes left on the clock when my personal phone rings and it is him. What an unexpected joy!
We were best friends for 13 years before I moved away from Chicago, where he still resides, to Wisconsin. After that we carried on our relationship in spurts. We'd trade calls and later emails for a stretch and then lose touch. And then we'd regain it. Repeat.
I asked him what prompted his call and he replied that he'd been meaning to call me for months to thank me for the cards.
During lockdown I began sending out cards to family and friends since face-to-face contact was verboten. As my list of recipients grew from a small coterie to 30ish people and the lockdowns ended, I scaled back my mailings to just the equinoxes and solstices.
I was taken by surprise and quite humbled^. It didn't take long for us to fall back into our easy rapport. We chatted as I finished up a couple tasks, made my way to the elevator, walked to the BRT platform, and rode a bus to my first destination. As my second bus approached, I pledged to call him later in the week when I wasn't in media res of a commute.
That conversation lasted for nearly 2 hours. We caught up on one another's lives and reminisced quite a bit. It was exhilarating! Our next conversation lasted just as long.
While we don't see one another, though I am planning a visit, and we don't chat with great frequency, bringing this friendship back to life has been a very meaningful contrast to the end of my marriage.
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That's all I want to say about the divorce. For now, anyway.
Divorce has brought about many unexpected things.
There is a winter solstice tradition which begins with writing down on paper what you want to see banished from your life. Once your bonfire has grown to become a bulwark against the impending darkness, you toss the piece of paper into the purifying flames to rid yourself of that which is holding you back, that which plagues your life. The winter solstice is still 3+ months away but I was reminded of this tradition this past weekend.
I threw away all of the cards and letters (and an ultimatum too) that my wife had written me over the years. Oh, and some notes that I took during a few months when I consulted a therapist. I hope they get recycled into something nice. An origami swan, perhaps? Maybe just some quicker picker upper? At least paper towels have some utility.
While I was going to keep them - my wife is a fine writer, a quality which endeared her to me, and she wrote many nice things about me during the first 18 or so years of our relationship - I found that recalling the past 2+ years that were riddled with her abusive behavior, harassment, theft, gaslighting, etc. convinced me to rid myself of even these treasured tokens of better days.
Truth be known, it is tougher everyday to even recall better times. It's like I have received partial treatment from the device in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And when I do recall some of them, the people in those memories often feel like strangers to me. As if my wife actually bidding "Good morning" to me while looking into my eyes was this inconceivable event like the Vikings winning the Super Bowl.
I had a conversation with a friend recently in which I admitted that I feel stupid for having stuck it out for so long. Looking back, I think that when my wife mocked me for almost taking a digger because of her actions and never offering an apology was the big, glaring sign that we had crossed the point of no return. The only thing missing was the hand of God descending from the firmament and pointing his big, divine index finger at it.
But, like a fool, I held out hope that she/me/us could change or figure it out or that, in some way, our relationship would take a turn for the better. Fool is the operative word here because it became evident that her behavior was a feature, not a bug, as they say, and I was unable to respond in a meaningful way.
********
One of the lessons I've learned is rather obvious when you're not consumed with erecting walls between you and the woman who once made you feel complete, once made you the happiest man in the world. And that is that divorce takes a village, so to speak.
It's not just two people ending their relationship and renouncing commitments. And it's not merely 2 people and immediate family. When you marry you have a bunch of people present to witness the joining and to participate in it. When you divorce those same people who lifted the happy couple up before all in celebration (plus any new ones) are then left to deal with the unfortunate turn of events, the sadness, the anger, and perhaps not knowing where they stand with two people who used to be one. Family, friends, acquaintances are all affected too. They may rally around one or both of you; they may not know how to act in the presence of one of the divorcees; they may find that their affections for one of the former couple have become animosity or, at least, indifference.
When divorce became a reality for me, I scrambled to let people know. Most people. I delayed telling family but found doing so remarkably easy compared to the dreaded scene that I had built up in my mind. After much hemming and hawing I finally told my in-laws and my youngest stepson that they're still family to me and that I hoped I was to them. Fortunately that was the case. When I moved in with my wife (then girlfriend) I made a commitment to be a stepdad. Now that my marriage is over and however imperfect a stepfather I may be I remain true to my pledge.
There are a handful of people whose actions and words have had a particularly comforting effect on me these past couple months.
A few days after being served papers, I ran into the woman who officiated our wedding. I told her about the divorce and apologized for disgracing her work by not even getting to 10 years. The hug she gave me, the kiss on the cheek, and words of encouragement couldn't have come at a better time. They really helped convince me that better times were ahead, that this too shall pass at a time when I felt like I was in a deep, dark hole that led to nowhere. Her words and deeds uplifted me and kept me from getting bogged down early.
Recently I was with a group of friends and one told me that he and another friend had talked about my situation together. He revealed
"**_________** really loves you. Tears came to his eyes as we talked."
It was heartening to hear this, to know that someone is resolute in standing by me. That friend and I have had many conversations about my marriage and its end and he has been steadfastly there for me me on all levels, providing support as well as being a cheerleader and advocate. I really couldn't ask for more.
A new friend has also been invaluable. She has not only helped me learn to bake pies, but has also lent her ear freely. Her counsel comes in generous portions and I have found it to be invaluable in gaining perspective and simply getting a grip on my life at this point. She is perpetually cheerful and it's hard not to feel some of that mirth rubbing off on me when I am with her.
Speaking of which, I think I have spent nearly as much time with her as my companion in the past couple months than with my wife all of this year up to early July when I was served papers. It's sad when looking backwards but wonderful when I cast my eyes ahead.
And, of course, there's Piper.
My little sweetpea emotional support cat cuddles with me every night and her purr lulls me into the arms of Morpheus. She has been my sole source of affection at home for too long a time. Petting her is so calming with her soft fur a joy to run my hands across and through. I hope to find her a new cat mother ere long.
Plus she's a killer!
Now that I think about it, there are other friends that deserve mention. But they'll have to wait for another post as this one is careering out of control.
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I got off to a late start this morning so my walk was somewhat abbreviated.
The blue heron was down the street but I was unable to get a decent photo of it. This one of its reflection isn't too bad.
Here's one from yesterday.
Autumn approaches!
But there are still plenty of traces of summer to be had such as this beauty.
