All the Wrong Places

Last week I heard some gossip from my former place of employment, namely, that an ex-girlfriend of mine had miscarried. I was told that she was six months pregnant and, from what The Dulcinea told me, this is later than most miscarriages. Apparently the ex has become very depressed and basically keeps to herself and to her tears. Upon hearing the news, I felt very ambivalent. Part of me was very saddened. But another part of me reveled in schadenfreude. The Tetragrammaton, despite all of our differences and the immense amount of pain and suffering we put each other through, is a good person. So part of me hated to hear that news. On the other hand, there’s still that part of me that thinks of her has a lying, cheating bitch and took some pleasure out of her misery.

While her account of our relationship would differ from mine and both of them together would approximate a truth, I must say that, when I think of her & I, I think primarily of her starting a relationship with another guy while she and I were living together. The Tetragrammaton would go on to marry Dimmesdale, as I call him, and have her field plowed by him. But, as I noted above, her crop died. So part of me feels bad for feeling good about it while another feels bad for feeling bad.

I think that this came to mind after having read an entry by a fave which talked about power washing away bad memories and the like. Yes, I do read everyone even though I don’t note as often as I should. A couple people left notes asking why I think my relationship with The Dulcinea would only last through the summer, so let me address that.

I honestly have no idea how long it will last. Considering my past record in such matters, I should think not much longer. Hence my comment about hoping it would last through the summer. From various comments, I suspect that she is more attached to me than I am to her. She is, after all, in media res of ending her marriage so there is more than a little loneliness and neediness on her part. And my part as well. But she knows that I am not looking for a long-term relationship nor to be a surrogate father to her children. How much of a problem these will be for a relationship primarily about sex remains to be seen. Whatever the case, I am on the lookout for another fraulein.

This seems a bit odd to me considering most of my friends are married, in a long-term relationship, or seeking to be in either. (Before I forget, I will mention that Lush has plowed Wendy’s field and a good crop looks to be on the way. I should call and find out when the due date is as well as add my congratulations.) Reading people’s diaries here compounds the strangeness of it all. So many people working towards love or longing to be in that position. And here I sit wanting only to find a woman shorter than The Dulcinea with longer hair and smaller breasts. Don’t ask. It just seems that I crave that petite flavor. And lusty. Lusty and petite.