It feels weird to be back at work. For a Monday, it's a bit slow. Nothing we can't handle, though. I'm in a mixed mind today. I had a good time in Chicago over the weekend and have some tasty Indian sweets here with me in addition to some kabli chana and a couple bars of Scharffen Berger that my mom gave me. When I got home last night, I grabbed the mail and found a heavy envelope addressed to me from The Dulcinea. Was it a letter bomb? Anthrax? No, it was a CD and the last song on it was "Song for the Dumped" by Ben Folds. I had this weird feeling that we were going to continue our communications via mix CDs. I guess that's how we nerdy types do it. After having sat around a bit with Stevie and Becca, I called The Dulcinea to see if she wanted me to drop off the sweets I'd bought for her. When I spoke to her, she was a bit terse. Not really malicious but more in a let's-get-this-over-with kind of way. We agreed for the drop-off to take place immediately. So I grabbed the box of treats and headed over. Instead of walking as I was accustomed to, I rang the doorbell. She answered and I stepped inside. Again rather tersely, she asked if I could stay for a few minutes. We sat down on the couch and I read off the names of the candies as I had written them down at the store. I could see she was holding back the tears which only forced me to do the same. Once she had surveyed the edibles, she showed me her new beaded necklaces.
And she fidgeted.
And there was silence.
And I felt uncomfortable.
More silence.
She wanted to tell me a few things but couldn't bring herself to do it so there was more silence. I just wanted to her to tell me what a jerk I was and curse me out and hit me or whatever it was that she wanted to do. Her silence was probably worse than whatever she had to say. So I took my leave. I was genuinely tired and figured that, if she wants to chew me a new asshole, she knows where to find me. As I sat in my car, I looked up at the windows of her living room. I pictured her sitting there on the couch - alone. The image just tore me up inside and the tears started flowing. I wish it were a few months down the road. Maybe then I could enjoy being single again more instead of just feeling bad over having ended the relationship. You know - there's supposed to be a plus side to this whole deal. I care for The Dulcinea a great deal and like her very much but I just can't be her boyfriend. And I'm worried about her. Here I am needing to be away from her only to have this nagging feeling that her situation will only decline further. That audio blog entry made me sad, angry, and worrisome. I don't know if she'll try to follow through on that fantasy or not. Sad but true.
I had dinner on Sunday at my aunt's place out in Arlington Heights. Various and sundry family members were there as well as a friend of my grandmother. (Estelle?) I've met her a few times previously and she's a super-nice womyn. At one point, she looked to me and said something to the effect of "You know, your grandmother is waiting for you to get married and she doesn't have that much longer." I really can't recall how she phrased it. She also said that her grandson had wait until he was almost 32 to get married. I informed her that I am 32 and that, if I was ever to get married, it would be some time in the distant future and that it was my cousin Sue's responsibility to get married and have kids. I know my brother will never get married nor have children and I have no such intentions either so it really is up to Sue.
After dinner, I went for a walk with my mom, her cousin John, and her cousin Ted's wife, Susanna. (What does that make them? Second cousin a few times removed?) We walked around Lake Arlington, a stretch of about 2 miles. It was rather nice out. The breeze was just a bit chilly but the sun shone brightly. I really should hang out with my family more often. Many of them are even nerdier than myself which makes conversation with them a hoot. Once we returned, I fixed my aunt's computer and then hit the high road. Traffic was brisk but not bad, especially when compared to the drive there. Fuck, it took me over half an hour to get from Irving Park to the end of the Kennedy Expressway at Cumberland.
The Ozrics show on Saturday night was quite good. The opening band, Lotus, sucked big time. Their set dragged on for what seemed like years. Every song was 10 minutes of boring guitar work backed up by a generic techno beat. It complete escapes me how they got all the raves that appear on their website. And they're here in Madison tonight at The Annex. But when the Ozrics came on, it was all better. My brother came to the show with me but we couldn't convince Andrew to do so. Carl was completely unfamiliar with their music while I know one of their albums by heart plus the odd song here and there. From what I could tell, their newer material featured less acoustic drums, which was disappointing to me when I sampled the tunes so I was a bit worried that the setlist would favor that material and be a bit too much like techno for my taste. Well, I needn't have worried. Ed Wynne went crazy ape bonkers in his Steve Hillage-esque kind of way on just about every song. And drum machines were kept to a minimum allowing their drummer, Metro, do do his thing. On keyboards was Brandi Wynne, presumably related to Ed in some capacity. She was easy on the eyes and was smiling and dancing a lot of time during the show. I guess you could say she gave off a good vibe, to use hippie parlance. The light show was typically psychedelic but not overdone. And the band just rocked. Even though I recognized only 1 song, it was easy to get into the rest of the set. That one song was "Sploosh!" from Strangeitude and it was the encore. They prefaced it with a slow, moody tune that I wasn't familiar with but, when I heard the gurgling noise, I knew what was about to happen. I shook my booty to the groove, man. It was, like, way out there, man. Carl spotted a guy taping the show on the floor. He had a big mic duct taped to his hat and you could tell that he was trying to stay still amidst the crowd of dancing folk on the floor. I shall have to keep an eye out for a copy of the show. Too bad yesterday was Easter otherwise I would have been sorely tempted to see them again at Shank Hall. Except for their flautist, John Egan who had mic/monitor problems for most of the show, the band was bouncy and in a good mood the whole time. Ed would thank the crowed after songs and introduce the next one. He sounded like a little kid - just smiling and joking. The second great performance in as many days.
And so a good time was had this weekend. It's always fun to chill with Andrew and my bro. Next time I go down there, I'm to bring some New Glarus brew. In exchange for my promise, Andrew lent me his copy of The Axemaker's Gift. Not that I really need more reading material at the moment, but it's sure to be interesting and have it on loan for a while.
Well, I think I'm off to get a cuppa tea for lunch.
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