Trees Bring Counsel

I awoke Saturday morning and looked up through the top of the tent where there was no rain fly to see the dawn light. Pausing a moment to prick up my ears, I was rather surprised to not hear any snoring drowning out the birdsong.

Another day in a sylvan paradise!

The path to the spot I've been using to relieve myself had a gentle golden glow as the sunlight filtered through the trees. The big man was illuminating my path or so I liked to think.

My bladder empty, I retrieved some iced coffee from my cooler to tide me over until later when there would theoretically be hot coffee available. I am normally the first person up when camping and it eludes me how my friends are able to sleep so long. I thought old people slept less. Must be the fresh country air.

Some people were planning on canoeing or kayaking this day. No doubt there'd be some fishing thrown in. Others were going to spend a leisurely day in and around camp. If yesterday's highlight was fellowship then this morning was to be all about Waldeinsamkeit as my plan was to take a hike in the Black River Forest.

There are two sets of trails in the forest and I recall hiking the Wildcat Trails because I remember encountering the sign for the Norway Pine segment and then later being exhausted because it's rated difficult. And now every year I go, I have to try to recall if I've done the Smrekar Trails or not. Of course I've done them. Multiple times, in fact. So I'm not sure why I do all these mental calculations and struggle to recall the last time I hiked this or that trail. The farm ruins are on the Smrekar Trail and I recall those well. Getting old can be no fun sometimes.

And so I set off for the Smrekar Trail with a second bottle of iced coffee at the ready.

I eschewed main roads and stuck to the back ones. This included several miles of gravel road that was able to accommodate only one car. Luckily I ran into no other vehicles on that stretch although I did see deer. Sadly, I was only able to get a fuzzy photo of deer butt.

The drive was pleasant and quiet. After 45 minutes or so I arrived at the trailhead. I immediately took care of some, er, business, ate a granola bar, and then I was off.

I didn't start too late so for at least the first half of the hike I was able to enjoy the sun accompanied by fairly cool temps.

I think that everyone who wanders the forest alone loses themselves in their own unique mess of thoughts.

For me it's always a mixture of things. My thoughts begin simply by admiring my surroundings. "What birds am I hearing?" "Ooh! That pine scent is wonderful!" "I hope there are no bears around here."

Eventually the mind wanders. My recently finalized divorce came to mind during the hike. I was glad it was over but couldn't help but do a post mortem on my marriage. I don't think it really did me any good as it was little more than self-flagellation. No new perspectives were unearthed and I still regretted marrying my ex. At that time I felt a lot of shame and embarrassment at having married her - a real blot on my escutcheon.

Now, as I write in August, some three months later, I feel much less embarrassment and less shame. But not that much less. Still, less nonetheless.

At one point I left the main trail to check out a scenic overlook and it was just beautiful.

By this point I was feeling good. The ascent up the ridge wasn't overly steep and the uphill march combined with the wonderful view conspired to induce exhilaration within me - physically and mentally. I felt attuned to my surroundings and open to the possibilities of life after my marriage. It felt good to be alive.

This area was really neat. The trees were more widely spaced allowing for a lush carpet of grass. Too many trees for a savanna but not dense enough for your typical forest. A heavily treed prairie? A lightly treed section of forest?

Walking down into this area just felt different. It was open but not too open. It felt expansive yet snug as well.

Here's a photo that I made sure had that Deakins-eque composition with the trail off to one side.

And another.

Another part of my life that I tossed around for a bit on my walk was my eldest stepson. My visit with him back in March, which I haven't gotten round to writing about, ended poorly. What to do?

This pine stand made for a nice, cozy passage.

I had discovered that, although he had grown into a 30 year-old man, he still had the maturity he did when he was 15. This made me feel very sad and I felt that way as I walked through the woods thinking about him. It is my sincerest hope that he matures into a true man someday and I would love to help him on that journey. While the odds are slim that I will have such a role in his life, I won't say never.

Despite this, I have a lot of empathy for him. Let's just say that his parents did not do right by him. 

If I came to any grandiose conclusions or had any revelatory moments out on the trails that day it was that I should let my relationship with my eldest stepson lie. He showed no interest in changing and I cannot force him to so it's best to just let things cool off and see what opportunities present themselves in the future.

There were moments when I was deep in thought and then was shaken from my pondering by a startled deer a little ahead of me or by a moth. Or is that a flutterby butterfly? The hike was a great mix of introspection and being in awe of nature and its beauty.

By the time I got back to the car my legs were getting sore. My hike was 7-8 miles which is a long way for an office jockey like me. Not only was I ready to relax but I it was also time for some company.

When I got back to camp it was only late morning so there was hot coffee on offer along with conversation with friends who were now awake. I made sure that the mini cherry pies that my ladyfriend had sent along were eaten. This did not take much effort as cherry pie and coffee is a classic combo with or without the Dale Cooper recommendation.

I spent the rest of the day close to camp along with the other folks who didn't get out on the river. A little reading here, some chatting there. And a short walk down the road. Come late afternoon a trio of friends who live in the area stopped by for dinner and conversation and this swelled our ranks to 13. The elk kielbasa I had brought went down well and I had a blast going from conversation to conversation amongst my 12 companions.

Some of them I'd known for only several months and others nearly 40 years. I don't know what I'd do without them all.