What to do when you come to a fork

It was a lovely Monday morning in Bloomer and my vacation was coming to a close. Although it was to be a rather warm day, it was still cool when I awoke and clouds streaked the dawn sky as I stepped out of the hotel and moseyed over to Kwik Trip for coffee.

My plan was to take a leisurely drive home with a stop in Eau Claire at The Coffee Grounds for some local flavors to bring back with me.

There I got a cup of coffee, coffee beans, and some brews from Eau Claire's finest. Not being in a hurry I took Highway 93 south where I'd catch Highway 10 in Eleva. The drive showcased just how much the south of Eau Claire has been built up since I lived up there. What had been a sleepy area of town that led to the hustle & bustle of Oakwood and London Square Malls was now home to a senior living complex, stores, various businesses, dentists, and just all manner of things. It was no longer simply gas stations and fast food for those passing through on the interstate.

The drive between Eau Claire and Eleva brought back many memories as I had driven it countless times. Zipping past the road that led to my old man's former home I felt surprisingly unmoved. A little nostalgic but I mainly enjoyed the scenery. Once I got to the top of the ridge just north of Eleva, I looked around at just what a magnificent view it affords. Farms tucked into the rolling hills, fields bordered by woods, and the sun illuminating it all with its warming refulgence.

Heading east on 10 I looked to the north at one point and saw a lovely grassy hill beneath the blue sky and it looked just like that Windows XP wallpaper.

I refueled in Osseo and then hopped onto I94. The drive home went by quickly and traffic wasn't too bad outside of the usual convoys of trucks. After getting home I unpacked and got a load of laundry in the wash. I hadn't really bought much in the way of souvenirs this trip and everything I did buy was edible. Like this chocolate bar.

It's an Abu Dhabi Bar from Mayana Chocolate up in Spooner. I presume it is their take on the trendy Dubai bar, a chocolate confection with pistachio filling that is all the rage in confectionery circles these days, I take it.

Very tasty!

Plus I brought beer back to Madison that is otherwise unavailable here. First we have some Czech-style lagers from Eau Claire's Lazy Monk Brewing.

The Standard 10º brew has proven to be my favorite of the two. Light and crisp and full of Bohemian(-style) brewing goodness.

At Moonridge I picked up a can of their blonde ale as well as a pickle Gose from Half Fast Brewing Company.

I'd never heard of Half Fast. The can says the company is in Spring Valley, WI which is a bit west of Menomonie but that the beer had been brewed in Osseo, presumably by the now-shuttered Northwoods Brewing. I suspect the can was to be found at Moonridge as Half Fast appears to be veteran-owned just like Moonridge. Tasting soon, I hope.

I sat down to check my email and saw that the tree outside the window had come fully into bloom while I was away.

Beltane had truly come to fruition.

Settling down, I thought a bit about Piper as well as the end of my marriage which was likely to transpire the following week. My mind felt a bit weary after all of the contemplation it did over the weekend. It was very nice to not feel the anger that I had felt earlier in the week. At least nowhere near as intensely.

I realized that I had come to terms with most of the changes in my life regarding family the past several months. There don't seem to be any more depths of my marriage to plumb. I think I've examined it thoroughly and discovered the lessons it has to teach, found all the assignations of guilt to be had, and learned the myriad ways that it has affected me. My eldest stepson simply wants my money and so our relationship is on hold, if not over. My youngest stepson is beset by so many problems that I can do little to nothing about so I am resigned to take things as they come and do what I can, nudging him in what I think of as a more salutary direction occasionally.

While the fact that I married my wife remains a source of shame and embarrassment for me, I am content with that. I am content with knowing my mistakes and at peace with my regrets.

No doubt my thoughts on all this will change as time goes on. For now, though, I am trying to heed Henry David Thoreau's advice, "Never look back unless you are planning to go that way." I'm looking forward to my marriage ending soon, to getting a new cat, and treading new paths in life. I am anxious to see where they take me.

New furniture

My new futon-couch arrived today.

Now I can recline while watching my TV again. I think it's been almost 3 weeks since I've used it. Not sure what to watch. The Museum of Innocence? That new Ken Burns doc on Thoreau?

I now have a couch and I have the pet hair attachment for my vacuum. Now I just need a cat.

Coming soon: Thoreau on TV

Ken Burns is presenting a documentary about Henry David Thoreau come the spring. It's not clear to me what his role is in the production as it's billed as "A film by Erik Ewers and Christopher Loren Ewers." so perhaps he is a producer as opposed to a director.

The teaser is up at the PBS site.

Out East, a breviary

Some scenes from my trip to Boston. Well, the Boston area as I was only in Boston proper when I was at the airport. Rather my trip was spent in Concord, Framingham, Haverhill, Somerville, Groveland, Methuen, and Beverly.

I landed at Logan and got a car. Then it was off to Concord for a pilgrimage to Walden Pond.

Massachusetts had a lot more color than we do here and it was gorgeous. But more importantly, it was absolutely sublime. My heart was beating out of control as I crossed the road and entered Walden Pond State Reservation. I went down to the main beach and hit the Pond Trail which runs along the shore, 1.7 miles, if I recall correctly. My excitement could barely be contained at walking where Henry David Thoreau's footfalls landed and I became consumed with awe.

My nose was enraptured by the smell of pine as I ambled down the trail. It smelled wonderful! I felt like a little kid and ran my hands through the evergreen needles on the boughs I was walked past. Looking up into the trees and then over at the pond, sniffing the pine, feeling the sun upon my skin - it was the blooming and buzzing awe at the majesty of Nature. 

At one point I realized that I had missed the site of Thoreau's cabin and so, after I finished the loop, I started it again. The caretakers of Walden aren't exactly enamored of signs so it took a little wayfinding along with some wrong turns before I found it.

I took in views that Thoreau did, I walked the earth he walked. Glorious!

A reproduction of his cabin has been erected by the visitors center along with a statue of the man.

Just perfect. I love this statue because it captures one of Walden's main themes: how to live one's life?

What a tremendous, soul shaking experience. I shall never forget it.

I wasn't through with Concord and returned the next day to investigate Sleepy Hollow Cemetery. 

It features Authors Ridge where the graves of Thoreau, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Louisa May Alcott, and Ralph Waldo Emerson lie. It took me a while but I finally found it.

Thoreau ran the family pencil business, you see, in addition to being a writer.

I was also in the area to visit an old friend and his family. He and I went out sightseeing one day and I caught St. Joseph catching some rays one evening at St. Basil's Seminary.

We also went out to sample some seafood which I had neglected to do last year in Boston. 

Why yes The Simpsons did come to mind.

My friend and his Frau got their daughter a kitten. She was adorable with the cutest ear tufts. 

My trip was timed purrfectly for another reason: HONK!. HONK! is an activist street band festival and my friend was formerly in such a band, Chicago's Environmental Encroachment. We spent several hours at the festival on Saturday.

Madison's own Forward Marching Band represented the Dairyland. 

I kinda sorta vaguely know one of the members. When I said hello between songs I was most unexpectedly given a big hug which meant more to me than I think this person knew. (Hugs mean so much to me right now so thanks!) I was representing Wisconsin with my Ski-Hi Fruit Farm t-shirt and 2 of the band members knew someone who worked there and so I got a nod of approval from Anna Purnell during a song and the other woman came over to me afterwards and asked to take a photo of me with her so that she could send it to her friend who worked there.

HONK! was marvelous and I "danced" the whole time. It felt great to move my body.

Afterwards my friend and I had dinner. I ate a Korean Hot Cheetos corn dog so you don't have to.

With our bellies full, it was off to The Cabot to see Steve Hackett. It was a special night as I had gotten my friend into Genesis back in the sixth grade when I handed him my copy of A Trick of the Tail and said knowingly, "Listen to this..." He'd never seen Hackett live which only added to the magic of the night.

It was a fantastic show. "Shadow of the Hierophant" was fantastic as usual and the extra soloing at the end of "Supper's Ready" was again transcendent. Plus The Lamb material was simply spectacular. And I love love love "Circo Inferno", one of Hackett's newest pieces.

Besides all of this fun & excitement, it was sheer joy spending time with my friend and his family. His daughter has grown into a precocious nine and a half year old and I am slowly getting to know his wife. We all watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail and played Cards Against Humanity, Family Edition. And his wife cooked a tasty Lebanese dinner.

My friend and I also found time for some heart to heart conversation where we discussed our marriages and our lives.

The trip was only a few days long but it was packed with activities and music, with shared meals and communion. It was an intense long weekend and I am still processing it all. So many thoughts fill my mind about what I experienced and heard.

In Walden Thoreau asked how one should live one's life and I find myself asking that question frequently lately as I move into another chapter, as I start mine over in certain ways. What do I want my life to be like once my divorce is over? Is how I feel now going to continue when I am a bachelor once again?

I am preparing to move out of our marital residence and will soon be living alone for the first time in my life. Well, living without another human as I will have Piper. That I shall feel lonely is certain and I need to figure out how to confront the loneliness, to keep it at bay. Perhaps to use it for my own ends?

Having said all this, I do feel that I have been living more deliberately since my divorce began and I take solace that this can provide a foundation for building a new life, for figuring out how to live.

More music to read Thoreau to

I think Pearl Jam made some fine transcendentalist rock in the mid-90s. They were, perhaps, the Emersons of alt-rock.

Music to read Thoreau to

I've been listening to The Kinks a lot lately and am reading Thoreau. I think he'd appreciate this song.

The Corona Diaries Vol. 43 - Introduction: Walking

I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least--and it is commonly more than that--sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements.

I am alarmed when it happens that I have walked a mile into the woods bodily, without getting there in spirit. In my afternoon walk I would fain forget all my morning occupations, and my obligations to society. But it sometimes happens that I cannot easily shake off the village. The thought of some work will run in my head, and I am not where my body is; I am out of my senses. In my walks I would fain return to my senses. What business have I in the woods, if I am thinking of something out of the woods?

"Walking", Henry David Thoreau

(Continue to the diary entry.)