Fearful Symmetries

Witness a machine turn coffee into pointless ramblings...

28 July, 2005

Kias Graduated From High School in 1979

If I can get through the next hour and a half, I think I'll be set. A bit after 11, I'm off to the offices of my contracting company for some training hoolie and then I'm going to run a couple quick errands afterwards. That'll get me back here close to 2 at which point I'm off like a prom dress to DOA for a unit meeting. After that, my day will be close to an end and I can bust outta here and get my arse to Janesville for Thirsty Thursday where I will be hanging out with The Pollack, Miss Rosie, and Sussie. Unsurprisingly, The Pollack's laptop has a problem so I've been called in to fix it. (It is probably more correct to say that The Pollack broke his laptop.) In return I am getting a snifter of Russian cognac which he acquired via barter and a cigar. Sussie has a bunch of bluegill that he caught so we're gonna do the fish fry gig. I talked to The Pollack a little while ago for the first time in ages. He was in San Francisco for nearly a month and got back yesterday. We spent quite a bit of time shooting the shit and catching up. I was pleased to hear that his dad is doing really well and has found a buyer for his condo outside of Milwaukee. Ergo, he'll be moving into The Pollack's place shortly. JZ is also doing well and enjoying his summer by camping, boating, and the like. And I haven't seen Sussie in many months nor ever been to his house so tonight will be fun. It feels good to have emerged from my early summer hermetic phase.

Ya know, I'm hungover, tired but working yet the guy across my cube wall is sleeping. I can hear his snoring as it's wafting over the wall.

I really didn't want to come to work today. It's not that my hangover is that bad but rather, as I was drinking coffee this morning, Stanley Kubrick: A Life in Pictures was on and I really, really wanted to hang out in that chair and watch the whole thing and then go rent Barry Lyndon. I miss Uncle Stan. Dogger emailed me this morning saying that he thinks he retarded himself last night. While I was trashed, he was drunker than 3 barrels of shit. We went out for a smoke at one point and I hit a wall or two but he bounced off of every doorframe, wall, gumball machine, or what have you.

...

One hour left! The meeting was, well, a meeting. The training was boring as all references to the old process went right over my head. I've only been in their employ for a few months so any previous practices and issues are all a mystery to me.

Last night was fun and quite a few people showed up considering it was all last-minute. We met at the Great Dane to start things off. This location was Kias' idea and it must have never occurred to him that there was a Concert on the Square happening. Needless to say, parking was a bitch. But I found me a spot and got to the Dane to find Pete, Marv, Dogger, and Old Man Standiford there. I handed Pete the missive from my brother which gave instructions for him to give me noogies for each year of my life which he duly applied. Pete's present for me was The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead. So if I ever chance upon any zombies, I will be able to suss out what to do. I've only glanced at the book but there seem to be many pictures of humanoid outlines with crosshairs over the head. The pitchers started flowing. Kias showed up and, while I was outside with Dogger and Marv, so did Claire and her friend Megan. As the night wore on, my co-worker, Steve, put in an appearance for a spell. Around 9, another co-worker and fellow GenCon roadtripper, Charles, showed up with his inamorata, Anastasia. She was a cutie and quite friendly. Honestly, I don't remember a whole lot except that I got about 50 noogies, various people who've known me for 15+ years telling sordid stories about me to Charles, and laughing myself hoarse. And I also recall raising a toast to Kias' recently departed mother. At some time after 9:30 or thereabouts, we mosied over to the Come Back Inn. I recall that Kias and I found the flavor of Fauerbach on tap there to be quite tasty. We split two or three pitchers before Standiford bought me a stein. I recall eating peanuts, going out for the aforementioned smoke with Dogger, and talking to Miss Hottie Nurse outside. I'd gone outside for a root and was standing there looking at the moon or something when this blonde woman talking on a cell phone walked up to me and then away talking. Then up to me again and then away talking again. Finally she hung up and asked for a smoke. We began chatting as we puffed. Much to my chagrin, Kias and Marv walked out after a while, "There you are!". They too bummed squares. So the four of us carried on. Nursie Dear proceeded to tell us that she had just called in sick for work the next day and felt guilty about it. She reiterated dozens of times that she had worked there for 8 years and had never taken a sick day and blah blah blah. Also thrown in was the fact that she had three kids and had recently turned 30 and thought herself over the hill, ugly, and the like. So of course we offered comforting words. I mean, she was hot. (And I think her name was Sarah.) I caught her staring at my chest a few times but am not sure if she was trying to read my button or simply amazed at how manly it is. She then proceeded to ask a few questions like where we were from and when we graduated from high school. For some reason, she asked Kias this last question about twice as often as either Marv or myself and it was firmly established that Kias graduated from high school in 1979. And so it went for fuck knows how long. She went in this circle of saying how guilty she was for having called in to work, talking about how awful it is to be 30, about her kids, about her brother with whom she was there and who was in town from Arizona or somewhere and then she'd start asking us when we graduated from high school, where we lived or were from and blah blah blah. She eventually wandered in and we weren't far behind.

I remember drinking more beer and eventually leaving. When I got to my car, I found something on the windshield. Removing it, I found it to be a copy of the new Onion. "How fortuitous," I thought. "Now I won't have to grab a copy from work." Well, this morning I looked at it and discovered that a headline had been modified to include my name scribbled in writing that looked suspiciously like Pete's. Another birthday done and gone. Only 364 days until the next one when perhaps I may take the Chili Princess' up on her offer of spankings.

Almost outta here. While I'm not looking forward to fucking with The Pollack's laptop, I am very much looking forward to that cognac. I can't drink too much tonight or stay out too late. I wanna have some time at home to get some shite together for camping tomorrow. And I'd really like to get another podcast up before the weekend as well. Plus I need to buy a buncha tickets. I hope to see The Living Canvas next weekend and hit the Ren Faire the weekend after that. The comes GenCon. Ooh! And I must get tickets for the More Drama affair.

I feel...I feel a mix CD coming on...

All the king's horses and all the King's men
Could never put a smile on that face
|| Palmer, 4:48 PM

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