Fearful Symmetries

Witness a machine turn coffee into pointless ramblings...

31 July, 2005

And Then It Was Over

The Dulcinea asked me to be blunt and tell her that there was no chance of reconciliation, etc. Camping and the party in Chicago kept me from doing so until tonight. I wasn't comfortable e-mailing such a missive so I instead wrote her a letter. While I certainly don't mean to keep her waiting or any such thing, I wanted the words to be delivered in a more personal manner than with a generic plain text font in a browser window. Afterwards I balled my eyes out while listening to Onkel Fish:

Sunsets on Empire

And then it was over and we took our applause.
We passed the peace pipe and thought no more
About the scenes that were missing, about the lines we had crossed.
And we smiled at each other and knew that the moment was lost.

I let you snuff out the candles, I let you blow out the flame,
And I knew that this time it would never be the same.
The smiles you had wavered, tears welled in your eyes
And I looked and I knew that this magic it was only a sign
For Sunsets on Empire it was only a dream.
I knew that it was broken when I heard you scream
I know you can't believe it. It meant nothing at all.
And we looked at each other and we smiled and the moment was gone.
Sunsets on Empire is this really the end
Sunsets on Empire left with a friend
Could have been a lover, could have been a wife
But when it comes right down to it all I want is a life,
Just a life.

You said it never mattered. You said it's just a thrill.
You couldn't beat it. Another bitter pill.
It never was a habit. A one off just for sure.
You never really thought it out but I hoped that one time
That you'd come back for more.

Sunsets on Empire that's where I am
Sunsets on Empire that's all we have.
To face a new beginning when you're so close to the end
And you looked at me gently and smiled,
Would you still be my friend?

You started to smile
Is this really the end?
Is this really the end?
Sunsets on Empire
The sun sets on Empire

Christ, did I ball like a little baby. It felt good, though. I think we all need to be hunched foetal and cry sometimes. It really says something about me that I waited until today to shed any tears over The Dulcinea though I'm not sure exactly what. There will be more at some point, I suppose, but for now I want to start looking ahead more than behind. Sure, there are some not-so good memories but there are lots of fantastic ones. Eventually my brain will get over this; it will put the memories, good and bad, in their proper places.

For anyone who hasn't read some of the previous entries, today was my grandmother's 90th birthday. I asked her, with her years of wisdom, what advice she had for me. Her reply had two parts: 1) live a healthy lifestyle and 2) find a wife and be happy.
|| Palmer, 8:18 PM


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