The Power of Women

Well, I finally went and got my taxes. I owe the Feds but the state owes me. I'll be mailing my states forms this afternoon along with a copy of my resume.

The other day I went to the coffeehouse and the owner was manning the guns by herself. As I strode in, she was busy doing whatever it is that baristas do and had her back turned to me. A few seconds later, she turned around, saw me, and got me some joe. When we started talking, she told me that she knew it was me who had walked in and that she can always tell when I enter without even seeing me. She just somehow perceives my presence. I found this bit of information scary as I pride myself on my ninja-like stealth. Do all women have this ability? Are there people in your lives who, upon entering a room unseen, are noticed by some part of your brains? I've noticed that women tend to have these eldritch abilities. For instance, there was the time when I was a kid watching TV and my dad had fallen asleep on the couch behind me. It was no big deal until he started snoring. Then my mother walks in and notices what's happening. So she walks over to my father and quietly says in his ear, "David - stop snoring..." And he did. I sat there in awe of my mother. I mean, did she have these visions of me raiding the cookie jar when she wasn't home? What else did she know?

Such powers that women have over men make me feel helpless. I mean, they can sense your presence AND take advantage of you sleeping by giving you orders when you're unconscious and vulnerable. What else can you gals do?

One thing I know you frauleins can do is discern emotional states. I am fucking terrible at this. Unless a woman is obviously in distress, I have no idea what's on her mind and just assume it's business as usual. Men's brains are just different. We're not looking for emotional residue on people's faces, we're looking for actions and movements like punches and knees to the groin. I swear, all of my girlfriends knew when something was weighing on my mind. No matter how hard I tried to hide it, they knew. And the worst part is that women tend to feed on such things, you females thrive on sharing and talking about emotional states. So, if I conceded that something was wrong but didn't want to talk about it, I'd be prodded to spill my guts. "Here, sit down and talk to me," she'd say. Then I'd be led to the kitchen table with a light hanging above it just like in police interrogation rooms on TV. And I'd spill the beans almost every time. No matter how mad I may have been at her, no matter what it was and how much I didn't want to talk about it, I'd find myself telling her everything, embellishing every detail. I don't know how it happens. One minute I'm poised for silence and the next I'm confessing the whole 9 yards. All it takes is just one little sentence to be coaxed out of me and the floodgates are opened.

How do you women do this? Am I the only guy in the world this happens to? Women know when I enter the room, they can read me like a book, they can get me to confess to anything, and they can brainwash me while I'm asleep. At least I suspect so but I have no proof of this. I feel so defenseless.